Just an update!
I am currently 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant. According to the wonderful Alison Clark (my midwife), I am 1cm dilated, somewhat effaced, and Harleigh Grace has dropped! She foresees her making her arrival within the next week. We shall see...
I've let Harleigh know that she is welcome to come whenever she feels she is ready. Although my body is telling me it needs her to come soon with the on-again, off-again contractions, the intense pressure in my pelvic area and the pinching of my nerves in the middle of my back. Either way, she can come when she likes.
To ensure that she makes her arrival on time I've been taking at least 15 pills a day!
5-w: to tone the uterus and prepare it for labor
Evening Primrose Oil: to prepare the cervix...aka help thin it out
Clary Sage: this is an essential oil, it helps the cervix dilate and efface..basically it's just estrogen.
Sclaressence: tastes AWFUL! BUT, I'll do what it takes. Putting a drop in my cheek and applying to my ankles along with Clary Sage.
Gentle Baby and Clara Derm Spray: to keep the perineum from tearing. YES, it does work. It worked with Eden(: Have faith...
Once I do go into labor this oils along with a handful more will help with the pain, labor and delivery. I will update you on the birth AFTER it happens!
Thanks to all the prayer warriors out there because we finally have a house! Unfortunately, we more than likely won't be living in it when Harleigh does arrive but at the end of the day, we have a home. And THAT is a wonderful feeling. I love everybody, but I don't want to live with anyone but my husband and girls...ANYMORE! Thank ya, JESUS!
Tis the time (: Relaxation, security and comfort in our own home again. Love it!
That is all for now...Harleigh bug will be here soon and I will let you in on all the juicy details of natural birth...for the SECOND time! It's a breeze (;
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Victorious!
What is a blog?! I've forgotten, seeing how it has been years. Harleigh Grace will be here in two months! That is a shocker..it feels like yesterday I was 3 months pregnant. Time has most certaintly flown by. We are still not in a house, that is also a shocker! But my God is sufficient and He is my provision! No worries...
I was trying to get my feet off the floor recently...and laid back in a great recliner. While sitting there with my eyes closed I began to think upon Jacob. From the time he was born his name meant "supplanter, deceiver or trickster..."
Supplanter means: to take the place of another, as through force, scheming, or to replace. To overthrow or to trip up.
I'm sure we all are familiar with the other two words meanings.
Anyways, every name that I pick for my children I want to mean something great, I want it to be who they are. The meaning of names was also so important in the "bible days" and to some of us today, it still is. Who names their child a name that has that kind of meaning? Deceiver...trickster..supplanter.
Although Jacob was named such a name, he was blessed by God. It took some scheming to get the first-born blessing...but lo and behold, Jacob was blessed by God. We know this because many times the scripture says it. Jacob even says it to his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 31:42). In the end, this name Jacob was given was a name that he had to live with for the rest of his life. A name that meant something I sure wouldn't have wanted to be labeled as.
While on his way back to his "hometown", he finds out that Esau is headed his way with 400 men. Now, think back to the beginning when Esau is boiling mad because his little brother took his birth right. He said he would kill him, etc. We all know the story. So, wouldn't you be freaking out a little bit if you knew that your angry (with you) brother was on his way to meet YOU with 400 men? Yes, I thought so. So, Jacob reminds God of his promise He made to him so on so forth. (This is not the point of my story, hence my skipping forward!)
Eventually Jacob has split his group into so many smaller groups and sends them ahead of him. All that is left on one side of the river with him are his wives and children. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sends them over too. 1. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and makes a random decision like this? and 2. Jacob gets alone.
Once Jacob gets alone the "man" comes and wrestles Jacob. These two men are wrestling and Jacob is winning. The man says to Jacob, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!" And Jacob's response is, "I will not let you go until you bless me!"...Then God changes his name to "VICTORIOUS!"
Have you ever had a moment in your life, where you got alone...and you waited for God to come? Have you ever said, "I will not leave this place until you bless me!?" "God I will wait here until you show up and you CHANGE me." I don't have an alcohol, drug or porn problem. I don't cheat on my husband or murder...(although all sin is the same)...but I do deal with the small issues. I know many times I have gotten alone with God and cried out for change! I want to have victory over even the smallest issues in my heart. The days I may have even lost my temper or patience..the days that I've wrongfully juged a person....I want to be victorious over that!
I love spending my time pushing into God and seeking His face, and I love the times that He is so enticed by my wanting, that He comes to me. It may take a while for that flesh to begin to burn enough for Him to come, but it burns indeed. Sometimes the flesh begins to burn before I begin to seek and He meets me before I ever decide to seek Him.
Anyways, my point of the story is this...we all have to come to a place where we recognize something that is a little off-kilter in our walk with Jesus Christ whether it be small or big, and we put all distractions aside and get alone and wait on God to come and declare us victorious. The main thing is to walk in that victory and own it. Never looking back at who I once was...I am no longer "(insert sin)", I am VICTORIOUS! My dealings are not with the past but with the future and who I've been destined to be.
This touched me in a mighty way, I hope it can do the same for you.
-Victorious!
I was trying to get my feet off the floor recently...and laid back in a great recliner. While sitting there with my eyes closed I began to think upon Jacob. From the time he was born his name meant "supplanter, deceiver or trickster..."
Supplanter means: to take the place of another, as through force, scheming, or to replace. To overthrow or to trip up.
I'm sure we all are familiar with the other two words meanings.
Anyways, every name that I pick for my children I want to mean something great, I want it to be who they are. The meaning of names was also so important in the "bible days" and to some of us today, it still is. Who names their child a name that has that kind of meaning? Deceiver...trickster..supplanter.
Although Jacob was named such a name, he was blessed by God. It took some scheming to get the first-born blessing...but lo and behold, Jacob was blessed by God. We know this because many times the scripture says it. Jacob even says it to his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 31:42). In the end, this name Jacob was given was a name that he had to live with for the rest of his life. A name that meant something I sure wouldn't have wanted to be labeled as.
While on his way back to his "hometown", he finds out that Esau is headed his way with 400 men. Now, think back to the beginning when Esau is boiling mad because his little brother took his birth right. He said he would kill him, etc. We all know the story. So, wouldn't you be freaking out a little bit if you knew that your angry (with you) brother was on his way to meet YOU with 400 men? Yes, I thought so. So, Jacob reminds God of his promise He made to him so on so forth. (This is not the point of my story, hence my skipping forward!)
Eventually Jacob has split his group into so many smaller groups and sends them ahead of him. All that is left on one side of the river with him are his wives and children. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sends them over too. 1. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and makes a random decision like this? and 2. Jacob gets alone.
Once Jacob gets alone the "man" comes and wrestles Jacob. These two men are wrestling and Jacob is winning. The man says to Jacob, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!" And Jacob's response is, "I will not let you go until you bless me!"...Then God changes his name to "VICTORIOUS!"
Have you ever had a moment in your life, where you got alone...and you waited for God to come? Have you ever said, "I will not leave this place until you bless me!?" "God I will wait here until you show up and you CHANGE me." I don't have an alcohol, drug or porn problem. I don't cheat on my husband or murder...(although all sin is the same)...but I do deal with the small issues. I know many times I have gotten alone with God and cried out for change! I want to have victory over even the smallest issues in my heart. The days I may have even lost my temper or patience..the days that I've wrongfully juged a person....I want to be victorious over that!
I love spending my time pushing into God and seeking His face, and I love the times that He is so enticed by my wanting, that He comes to me. It may take a while for that flesh to begin to burn enough for Him to come, but it burns indeed. Sometimes the flesh begins to burn before I begin to seek and He meets me before I ever decide to seek Him.
Anyways, my point of the story is this...we all have to come to a place where we recognize something that is a little off-kilter in our walk with Jesus Christ whether it be small or big, and we put all distractions aside and get alone and wait on God to come and declare us victorious. The main thing is to walk in that victory and own it. Never looking back at who I once was...I am no longer "(insert sin)", I am VICTORIOUS! My dealings are not with the past but with the future and who I've been destined to be.
This touched me in a mighty way, I hope it can do the same for you.
-Victorious!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Forever loved!
I walk with a heavy heart this week. If the only thing I can do in the wake of tragedy is carry a burden then so be it. A friend lost her husband Monday afternoon. Although I didn't know him as well as I was hoping I'd be able to now that we were back in Meridian, I hurt. Married under a year with a newborn baby at home. I hurt for her more than I've hurt in a long time. I had the honor of being a member of their wedding and watching these two be united as one by and under God.
As I know she was, I asked God many questions. "Why?" being the main one. The first thing I did was walk straight to Caleb, who was seeking God on the very question I was about to ask, and I asked him, "Do we raise him up?" I know God is more than capable of even the biggest thing my human mind could fathom. Raising someone from the dead is not even close to the top of the biggest thing I know God to be capable of. Although it didn't happen, I know that He would have. In these moments it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, but God's plan is so much bigger than we know.
Not only did I question God but I questioned thin air. It's so hard to understand why such a thing would or even could happen to someone so young. God knows he just had a new baby and he knows they didn't even get to spend their first anniversary together. But what I don't know is whose heart was forever changed by this event. What I don't know is what the road would have looked like 5 years from now.
I love this verse: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."
That is hope for me...for her. Knowing that God protected Zac from something we could not see. Trusting in his word. Learning to accept His comfort but knowing that He is willing to allow us to greive someone loved. Being thankful for the time he was allowed on earth and thankful for the time God gave us to know him. What good will come from this? Plenty. Not that I can see it yet, but I believe in His word. He has a plan and it is to prosper!
I thank you Jesus for allowing us the time we had to know Zac. For me it was little, but I thank you. I thank you that your plan is bigger! I thank you for the love he was allowed to give to his new family and I thank you for holding them close in this time. I ask for peace that passes all understanding!
I send my love to Hannah and sweet baby Jax.
As I know she was, I asked God many questions. "Why?" being the main one. The first thing I did was walk straight to Caleb, who was seeking God on the very question I was about to ask, and I asked him, "Do we raise him up?" I know God is more than capable of even the biggest thing my human mind could fathom. Raising someone from the dead is not even close to the top of the biggest thing I know God to be capable of. Although it didn't happen, I know that He would have. In these moments it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, but God's plan is so much bigger than we know.
Not only did I question God but I questioned thin air. It's so hard to understand why such a thing would or even could happen to someone so young. God knows he just had a new baby and he knows they didn't even get to spend their first anniversary together. But what I don't know is whose heart was forever changed by this event. What I don't know is what the road would have looked like 5 years from now.
I love this verse: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."
That is hope for me...for her. Knowing that God protected Zac from something we could not see. Trusting in his word. Learning to accept His comfort but knowing that He is willing to allow us to greive someone loved. Being thankful for the time he was allowed on earth and thankful for the time God gave us to know him. What good will come from this? Plenty. Not that I can see it yet, but I believe in His word. He has a plan and it is to prosper!
I thank you Jesus for allowing us the time we had to know Zac. For me it was little, but I thank you. I thank you that your plan is bigger! I thank you for the love he was allowed to give to his new family and I thank you for holding them close in this time. I ask for peace that passes all understanding!
I send my love to Hannah and sweet baby Jax.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Transition, Contractions and Birthdays!
Hello all. Time to update, I guess. Did you know that the number 11 means transition? At least that's what I have been told. As most of you know we have been and still are in transition. Transition=Change. I'm not a big fan of change; I like things the way they are and when I'm ready for them to change...well, I'll change them.
BUT, when you ask God to guide you in the right direction, you don't have much control over change. I guess that means I also have a control issue. I never would have considered myself a "control-freak" but I'm beginning to realize that I very much am. I like things a certain way. I enjoy them a certain way. And I want to be the one making them how I want them. Transition is bringing humility to my heart. Transition is allowing me to let go of the reigns for once and to really let God take over and be the controller of every situation.
That doesn't mean it's been easy. Oh, no. Not at all. It's frustrating, complicated and sometimes beyond stressful. The more so it has been, the more I realize the issues God is working out of my heart and life. He is not the reason it is difficult. I am. It wouldn't be so frustrating, complicated and stressful if I would just relax and quit trying to make things happen. It's not about me trying to make things happen, it is about God allowing the perfect will for my family to happen. If I did it "my way", no tellin' where we'd be right now. Oh, how I love how he loves me!
Now, update on Miss Harleigh Grace: She is doing great! My body has been contracting "under stress" and thankfully God has kept the dilation under wraps. No dilating! The Dr's are now not quite sure how many weeks I am?! I'm somewhere between 25-28 weeks..we will be finding out for sure March 31st. Either way, everything is going good and I am just thankful for a healthy baby.
Eden's 2nd birthday is in a week! Can't believe it. Who knew time could fly so fast? So I'll be spending the next few days OFF of my feet (for Harleigh's sake) and attempting to put a birthday together(: I can do this. He gives me strength.
Until next time....
BUT, when you ask God to guide you in the right direction, you don't have much control over change. I guess that means I also have a control issue. I never would have considered myself a "control-freak" but I'm beginning to realize that I very much am. I like things a certain way. I enjoy them a certain way. And I want to be the one making them how I want them. Transition is bringing humility to my heart. Transition is allowing me to let go of the reigns for once and to really let God take over and be the controller of every situation.
That doesn't mean it's been easy. Oh, no. Not at all. It's frustrating, complicated and sometimes beyond stressful. The more so it has been, the more I realize the issues God is working out of my heart and life. He is not the reason it is difficult. I am. It wouldn't be so frustrating, complicated and stressful if I would just relax and quit trying to make things happen. It's not about me trying to make things happen, it is about God allowing the perfect will for my family to happen. If I did it "my way", no tellin' where we'd be right now. Oh, how I love how he loves me!
Now, update on Miss Harleigh Grace: She is doing great! My body has been contracting "under stress" and thankfully God has kept the dilation under wraps. No dilating! The Dr's are now not quite sure how many weeks I am?! I'm somewhere between 25-28 weeks..we will be finding out for sure March 31st. Either way, everything is going good and I am just thankful for a healthy baby.
Eden's 2nd birthday is in a week! Can't believe it. Who knew time could fly so fast? So I'll be spending the next few days OFF of my feet (for Harleigh's sake) and attempting to put a birthday together(: I can do this. He gives me strength.
Until next time....
Monday, February 21, 2011
My Vegas Experience
Our vacation is finally over. It's day 1 from being home and I'm thankful for so much! Caleb and I both had an amazing time while in literally another world...but I found myself being thankful for so much more than I thought possible.
The day we flew out I was beyond anxious. You hear so much about Vegas and it's surroundings, I honestly didn't know what to expect. Caleb, being there before, fore-warned me of the sin but also the beauty. We made our arrival at 4 that afternoon and literally 4 hours later...we were in bed, asleep! We attempted to walk down the strip but time, pregnancy, and disgusting pictures forced us to turn back. It was too early in the week for that.
The next morning, being Valentines, we had made reservations for The Top of the World restaurant. We dressed all fancy (they had a dress code & Caleb looked mighty fine in his suit and tie) and were seated next to the window over-looking the entire city. This place did a 180 degree turn around so we were able to see everything from our seat. Food was nice. Waiters were great. Valentines Day = successful. Post-lunch, we took another stroll down the strip, this time keeping our gazes ahead, not down. I've never seen a street so littered with naked girls. My heart ached for every single girl who felt she had to expose herself in that way. So, I said a small prayer. The closer we got to the middle of the strip the better it got. There was less trash and more super nice hotels. We went in EVERY single one. They were absolutely beautiful and had great stores! After about 2 hours of serious walking...we caught at taxi back to our hotel.
We went to the Cirque du Solei 'Mystere'. A-MAZING! Completely worth the money! I swear, I almost threw up like 10 times because I honestly felt I was going to witness someone die. No joke. They do so many crazy things!! One guy held himself up with one hand 100ft above the ground while holding a huge cube-thingy! It was awesome. Caleb loved it, I loved it. I can't wait to see another!!
There was this awesome 50's diner in our hotel called Roxy's. This was one of the highlights of our trip! They served, probably some of the best food ever while singing old songs! Everytime, I ordered a turkey blt wrap...without the wrap. I wanted, well baby wanted, toasted bread(: ABSOLUTELY amazing. It was well worth 10.99! Not to mention, Roxy's workers were by far the most polite people in the entire city. Also, the sweet monorail information lady who rode with us to MGM one day. I wore my chosen "God" t-shirt one day....she must have been curious(: I also said a prayer for her. I felt more confident in that one!
Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon: Absolutely beautiful. If that had been the only thing we did the whole time, it would have been beyond worth it! God was so magnified that day. He is a beautiful creator and artist. It felt so surreal to actually be in these two places. I never would have thought that I would get to have that experience, and I suggest that everyone make it possible!!
On every street corner there were men (and sometimes women) constantly pushing baseball sized cards into your face. You could clearly tell that these were the only jobs available but it was by far the most annoying experience the whole trip. Each one wore a shirt that said 'Hot Hot Girls Direct to your Room. Call: xxx-xxx-xxxx!!' The baseball sized card was a picture of a nude girl. I was extremely suprised to see that most people were passing them up, telling them no, or taking the card and dropping it back to the ground. There is hope for this city!
The annoying shirt-wearers were the only down-fall of our entire vacation. And even in that down-fall, we were able to see the hope that was still there. This made my heart glad. I have to be honest, it took me a couple of days to quit saying, "EWWWW". After having the epiphany that people are actually refusing the offers I decided "Eww" was not the appropriate word anymore. Another astonishing discovery was that there weren't many people gambling in the casinos! You would think, it being Vegas, that every casino would be full. Nope. Trust me, you have to walk through the casinos to get to ANYTHING in EVERY hotel. Gosh, but the cigarette smoke was ridiculous. Blech!
Alcohol. It was also few and far between. Living in a 'dry' town, even seeing the word beer shocked me! It had been so long since I had seen a place offering any type of alcohol and it took me a day or two to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. During the day, I witnessed more people drinking their water, cokes and other odds than a alcoholic beverage. At night the bats came out though...What do you expect in Vegas, huh? With all honesty the only time I actually saw someone in a stupor was at 3:30am on our way to the airport. As soon as the elevator doors opened, BOOM, there they were. I'm pretty sure this girl had no idea where she was, what she was doing...or possibly who she was.
My conclusion of 'Sin City' is this: The name 'Sin City' actually comes from the thought that the mafia used to run Las Vegas. With that, they had their so-called prostitutes. Many people seem to think that anything goes, when in all actuality that is not the truth. Some in the city pride themselves on others coming and 'letting their hair down' so to speak. Some, I said! Most of the locals actually look down on this thought and intend for it to be a family vacation spot and push every other amenity other than gambling and partying. Now, think about this...how many cities have bars? clubs? and 30 minutes from my own hometown are two casinos. Living in my 'dry' city here, I tend to forget that myself. It's nice to remember that my bubble doesn't exist everywhere I go and there are real needs and prayer to be lifted! It is a true eye-opener to remove myself from comfortable and place myself into unfamiliar. I believe that is when you truly find who you are in God. In the places of unfamiliar. When no other believers are close by, what will I do? Will I try and blend in or continue to strive for holiness and stand apart?
At the end of the day, I am glad that we had our "Vegas" experience...maybe not the one most people would be thinking of when they hear of this city, but it was indeed a wonderful experience. My heart was glad to be home where there is grass and sweet tea though(: Grass...another beauty the Lord made! I never thought I loved grass as much as I did. I received a new measure of thankfulness. I'm thankful for grass, sweet tea, my family and my God! I am thankful to know that there is more hope than I had imagined for a town so looked down upon. He is bigger!
-A new believer in greater things!
The day we flew out I was beyond anxious. You hear so much about Vegas and it's surroundings, I honestly didn't know what to expect. Caleb, being there before, fore-warned me of the sin but also the beauty. We made our arrival at 4 that afternoon and literally 4 hours later...we were in bed, asleep! We attempted to walk down the strip but time, pregnancy, and disgusting pictures forced us to turn back. It was too early in the week for that.
The next morning, being Valentines, we had made reservations for The Top of the World restaurant. We dressed all fancy (they had a dress code & Caleb looked mighty fine in his suit and tie) and were seated next to the window over-looking the entire city. This place did a 180 degree turn around so we were able to see everything from our seat. Food was nice. Waiters were great. Valentines Day = successful. Post-lunch, we took another stroll down the strip, this time keeping our gazes ahead, not down. I've never seen a street so littered with naked girls. My heart ached for every single girl who felt she had to expose herself in that way. So, I said a small prayer. The closer we got to the middle of the strip the better it got. There was less trash and more super nice hotels. We went in EVERY single one. They were absolutely beautiful and had great stores! After about 2 hours of serious walking...we caught at taxi back to our hotel.
We went to the Cirque du Solei 'Mystere'. A-MAZING! Completely worth the money! I swear, I almost threw up like 10 times because I honestly felt I was going to witness someone die. No joke. They do so many crazy things!! One guy held himself up with one hand 100ft above the ground while holding a huge cube-thingy! It was awesome. Caleb loved it, I loved it. I can't wait to see another!!
There was this awesome 50's diner in our hotel called Roxy's. This was one of the highlights of our trip! They served, probably some of the best food ever while singing old songs! Everytime, I ordered a turkey blt wrap...without the wrap. I wanted, well baby wanted, toasted bread(: ABSOLUTELY amazing. It was well worth 10.99! Not to mention, Roxy's workers were by far the most polite people in the entire city. Also, the sweet monorail information lady who rode with us to MGM one day. I wore my chosen "God" t-shirt one day....she must have been curious(: I also said a prayer for her. I felt more confident in that one!
Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon: Absolutely beautiful. If that had been the only thing we did the whole time, it would have been beyond worth it! God was so magnified that day. He is a beautiful creator and artist. It felt so surreal to actually be in these two places. I never would have thought that I would get to have that experience, and I suggest that everyone make it possible!!
On every street corner there were men (and sometimes women) constantly pushing baseball sized cards into your face. You could clearly tell that these were the only jobs available but it was by far the most annoying experience the whole trip. Each one wore a shirt that said 'Hot Hot Girls Direct to your Room. Call: xxx-xxx-xxxx!!' The baseball sized card was a picture of a nude girl. I was extremely suprised to see that most people were passing them up, telling them no, or taking the card and dropping it back to the ground. There is hope for this city!
The annoying shirt-wearers were the only down-fall of our entire vacation. And even in that down-fall, we were able to see the hope that was still there. This made my heart glad. I have to be honest, it took me a couple of days to quit saying, "EWWWW". After having the epiphany that people are actually refusing the offers I decided "Eww" was not the appropriate word anymore. Another astonishing discovery was that there weren't many people gambling in the casinos! You would think, it being Vegas, that every casino would be full. Nope. Trust me, you have to walk through the casinos to get to ANYTHING in EVERY hotel. Gosh, but the cigarette smoke was ridiculous. Blech!
Alcohol. It was also few and far between. Living in a 'dry' town, even seeing the word beer shocked me! It had been so long since I had seen a place offering any type of alcohol and it took me a day or two to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. During the day, I witnessed more people drinking their water, cokes and other odds than a alcoholic beverage. At night the bats came out though...What do you expect in Vegas, huh? With all honesty the only time I actually saw someone in a stupor was at 3:30am on our way to the airport. As soon as the elevator doors opened, BOOM, there they were. I'm pretty sure this girl had no idea where she was, what she was doing...or possibly who she was.
My conclusion of 'Sin City' is this: The name 'Sin City' actually comes from the thought that the mafia used to run Las Vegas. With that, they had their so-called prostitutes. Many people seem to think that anything goes, when in all actuality that is not the truth. Some in the city pride themselves on others coming and 'letting their hair down' so to speak. Some, I said! Most of the locals actually look down on this thought and intend for it to be a family vacation spot and push every other amenity other than gambling and partying. Now, think about this...how many cities have bars? clubs? and 30 minutes from my own hometown are two casinos. Living in my 'dry' city here, I tend to forget that myself. It's nice to remember that my bubble doesn't exist everywhere I go and there are real needs and prayer to be lifted! It is a true eye-opener to remove myself from comfortable and place myself into unfamiliar. I believe that is when you truly find who you are in God. In the places of unfamiliar. When no other believers are close by, what will I do? Will I try and blend in or continue to strive for holiness and stand apart?
At the end of the day, I am glad that we had our "Vegas" experience...maybe not the one most people would be thinking of when they hear of this city, but it was indeed a wonderful experience. My heart was glad to be home where there is grass and sweet tea though(: Grass...another beauty the Lord made! I never thought I loved grass as much as I did. I received a new measure of thankfulness. I'm thankful for grass, sweet tea, my family and my God! I am thankful to know that there is more hope than I had imagined for a town so looked down upon. He is bigger!
-A new believer in greater things!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Remember me...
On the way home today, I drove over my favorite bridge. It is on one of these Alabama backroads that I love so much, shaded by the biggest oak trees. Under it runs from the foothills the most beautiful emerald green water. Being a creek it isn't quite see-through, although I wish it was. Sometimes I wish I had 5 more seconds to stop and take in everything I see.
When I was 8 years old, I had this little brown wallet (a mans wallet, because what girl doesn't want to be just like her dad at 8?) that I was given to me by my dad. At this age I still had a huge toybox that fit perfectly at the end of my bed. It was so huge, it came up almost to my chest! One particular day, I was searching and searching for my wallet because I had a dollar to contribute to it's mouth. My man wallet was no where to be found. I sat there in my huge toybox after throwing things over and around it, and for probably the first time I asked God, "God, where is my wallet?". Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit breathe it into my ear. Guess what? Holy Spirit was right. That was my first true encounter with God that I can recall. The first time I actually heard the voice of God. My faith was made known that day in something, someone who loved me. Yes, I went to church with my parents and I did the Sunday school thing, but never had I been introduced to God in such a way. The God that we talk about...talks back? I stepped out on some faith and curiosity that day and He met me.
Years later in a hurt kind-of rebellion, I told that voice 'no more'. I couldn't listen or talk because He hadn't listened to me. My prayers for a family made whole weren't answered and I wanted to try it my way for a while. Oh, but He still didn't listen...he kept talking!
Sitting with my feet hanging off the end of a pier, in a drunken stupor, I remember shaking my head at God and cursing His name. My faith had been chipped at and it had been too long since I had heard His voice..He left me long ago, at least that is what I told myself. Then He spoke. That sweet voice I had longed for came back to me bringing me to sobriety and awareness. "Remember me..." Those were the words I had heard that night. Tears warmed in my eyes and so did my heart in my chest. I remembered.
I remembered the day that my faith had been made known. The first day I truly heard the voice of God. Moments after finding that little brown wallet, I took off running off our back porch down into our woods. I ran and ran until I reached the small creek that lined our property. I climbed down the 5 foot steep bank and stuck my bare feet into the beautiful emerald green water. From there I ran as fast as you can through water until I couldn't breathe anymore. When I close my eyes, I see that 8 year old girl with her blue jean over-all shorts and tangled brown hair with her hands lifted to the Heavens, running. Just running. Full of faith.
That is why I love my favorite bridge. Not because of anything but my memory of the day I found faith in the One I love. I still remember....
When I was 8 years old, I had this little brown wallet (a mans wallet, because what girl doesn't want to be just like her dad at 8?) that I was given to me by my dad. At this age I still had a huge toybox that fit perfectly at the end of my bed. It was so huge, it came up almost to my chest! One particular day, I was searching and searching for my wallet because I had a dollar to contribute to it's mouth. My man wallet was no where to be found. I sat there in my huge toybox after throwing things over and around it, and for probably the first time I asked God, "God, where is my wallet?". Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit breathe it into my ear. Guess what? Holy Spirit was right. That was my first true encounter with God that I can recall. The first time I actually heard the voice of God. My faith was made known that day in something, someone who loved me. Yes, I went to church with my parents and I did the Sunday school thing, but never had I been introduced to God in such a way. The God that we talk about...talks back? I stepped out on some faith and curiosity that day and He met me.
Years later in a hurt kind-of rebellion, I told that voice 'no more'. I couldn't listen or talk because He hadn't listened to me. My prayers for a family made whole weren't answered and I wanted to try it my way for a while. Oh, but He still didn't listen...he kept talking!
Sitting with my feet hanging off the end of a pier, in a drunken stupor, I remember shaking my head at God and cursing His name. My faith had been chipped at and it had been too long since I had heard His voice..He left me long ago, at least that is what I told myself. Then He spoke. That sweet voice I had longed for came back to me bringing me to sobriety and awareness. "Remember me..." Those were the words I had heard that night. Tears warmed in my eyes and so did my heart in my chest. I remembered.
I remembered the day that my faith had been made known. The first day I truly heard the voice of God. Moments after finding that little brown wallet, I took off running off our back porch down into our woods. I ran and ran until I reached the small creek that lined our property. I climbed down the 5 foot steep bank and stuck my bare feet into the beautiful emerald green water. From there I ran as fast as you can through water until I couldn't breathe anymore. When I close my eyes, I see that 8 year old girl with her blue jean over-all shorts and tangled brown hair with her hands lifted to the Heavens, running. Just running. Full of faith.
That is why I love my favorite bridge. Not because of anything but my memory of the day I found faith in the One I love. I still remember....
Monday, February 7, 2011
Learning Patience+Pregnancy=Oh, Lord.
Life has been like one of those free falls that catch you and bring you back up at the end. I contribute a lot of the frustration to pregnancy. Things are so magnified/intensified when you are pregnant. I've asked God to teach me how to deal with hormones. We're still working on it.
Man, pregnancy! God has taken this time to do some serious purging in my heart. Starting with patience. I have never been the most patient person in the world. Oh, he's cracking the egg pretty good.
"We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the holy spirit within us, and by our sincere love." 2 Corinthians 6:6 NLT
I am just waiting on purity, understanding, kindness...etc. Not saying I don't already possess the ability, but surely as I say I have mastered those he'll hit me with another test. Not that I don't want that either...I'm just sayin'!
I have always been told, "Don't ask for patience." Which I find somewhat ridiculous. We want to hold the light of patience. Ahem, we prove ourselves by...patience. Although it can be very annoying and frustrating at times I know that once I finally pass the test of patience, I've conquered a treasure. I want to produce good fruit. I don't want to be cut from the tree!
Patience is also necessary to endure the road of discipleship...I have found this one to be true from experience. Who better to learn how to be patient than from the one who's displayed it so beautifully for all of time?!
Lately, more than ever, I have REALLY been learning that I cannot look to man but to God for all I need. One day when the scars have turned white I hope to share but right now the wounds are still bleeding...
I cannot put my trust in man alone but in the One who created me. I cannot confide in man alone but in the One who loves me. Only has He been the one to show me the way and I will continue to follow that way. In the test of patience, I find the place to say I am thankful for being taught the fruit of patience. Not only in prayer but in scripture. I can see the test in others and I am rooting for them as I hope they are for me. All tests never end, they just become easier with time. Where to next? Oh, kindness maybe....pregnancy is proving I don't have it like I need it(;
-Sydney, soon-to-be Patient(:
Man, pregnancy! God has taken this time to do some serious purging in my heart. Starting with patience. I have never been the most patient person in the world. Oh, he's cracking the egg pretty good.
"We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the holy spirit within us, and by our sincere love." 2 Corinthians 6:6 NLT
I am just waiting on purity, understanding, kindness...etc. Not saying I don't already possess the ability, but surely as I say I have mastered those he'll hit me with another test. Not that I don't want that either...I'm just sayin'!
I have always been told, "Don't ask for patience." Which I find somewhat ridiculous. We want to hold the light of patience. Ahem, we prove ourselves by...patience. Although it can be very annoying and frustrating at times I know that once I finally pass the test of patience, I've conquered a treasure. I want to produce good fruit. I don't want to be cut from the tree!
Patience is also necessary to endure the road of discipleship...I have found this one to be true from experience. Who better to learn how to be patient than from the one who's displayed it so beautifully for all of time?!
Lately, more than ever, I have REALLY been learning that I cannot look to man but to God for all I need. One day when the scars have turned white I hope to share but right now the wounds are still bleeding...
I cannot put my trust in man alone but in the One who created me. I cannot confide in man alone but in the One who loves me. Only has He been the one to show me the way and I will continue to follow that way. In the test of patience, I find the place to say I am thankful for being taught the fruit of patience. Not only in prayer but in scripture. I can see the test in others and I am rooting for them as I hope they are for me. All tests never end, they just become easier with time. Where to next? Oh, kindness maybe....pregnancy is proving I don't have it like I need it(;
-Sydney, soon-to-be Patient(:
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Continuing this road...
As most of you know we are on a journey back to our hometown, Meridian. If you haven't heard, or are curious of the story..please read the previous post!
After having confirmation of our move, we immediately began searching for a place to live. This search has not been easy. Being self-employed has it's downfalls and the fact that our economy is falling apart does not help either. It didn't take long for me to become somewhat discouraged. It didn't take long for my hopes to begin to pick up either! I began to pray Philipians 4:6-7 over and over again. Anytime I felt the tears coming on, I prayed. That hiss would whisper in my ear all the many obstacles I faced. "You won't have a place to live, everyone needs a house" "You're pregnant, where will your baby sleep?"....on and on. Then I prayed. I made my requests known to God, not just that we would have a place to stay, but that I would be encompassed in His peace. I just wanted peace.
My stresses only lasted a day. God immediately answered my prayers. Through thanksgiving, I asked and received. And thanksgiving I return! I have peace. No, we still don't have a house to stay in until we can buy what we want. BUT, I have peace!!
God is faithful! He remains the same. He gave us a word and on a word we stand. Life is full of obstacles and He's given us the strength to surpass them all! I am excited to continue this journey and come into all that God has for my family. We will never understand why He does what He does, but I am thankful that He has chosen us to do His will where He needs us.
Thank you to those who have taken us up in prayer. There's nothing like friends who love...
He is Faithful!
After having confirmation of our move, we immediately began searching for a place to live. This search has not been easy. Being self-employed has it's downfalls and the fact that our economy is falling apart does not help either. It didn't take long for me to become somewhat discouraged. It didn't take long for my hopes to begin to pick up either! I began to pray Philipians 4:6-7 over and over again. Anytime I felt the tears coming on, I prayed. That hiss would whisper in my ear all the many obstacles I faced. "You won't have a place to live, everyone needs a house" "You're pregnant, where will your baby sleep?"....on and on. Then I prayed. I made my requests known to God, not just that we would have a place to stay, but that I would be encompassed in His peace. I just wanted peace.
My stresses only lasted a day. God immediately answered my prayers. Through thanksgiving, I asked and received. And thanksgiving I return! I have peace. No, we still don't have a house to stay in until we can buy what we want. BUT, I have peace!!
God is faithful! He remains the same. He gave us a word and on a word we stand. Life is full of obstacles and He's given us the strength to surpass them all! I am excited to continue this journey and come into all that God has for my family. We will never understand why He does what He does, but I am thankful that He has chosen us to do His will where He needs us.
Thank you to those who have taken us up in prayer. There's nothing like friends who love...
He is Faithful!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
This journey we are on....
You know those people who say, "I can't wait to get out of this town!"....well, I have never been one of those people. I was born in Meridian, Ms. I grew up in Meridian, and I love Meridian!
Caleb was on Chosen from the beginning of 2006 until the end of 2007. So, two years...
He took a "break" ( I guess you could say ) from the team to prepare for marriage and take care of financial matters. We got married May 3 of 2008. That October I was 4 months pregnant and the thought of Hamilton began to imbed itself in our minds. The Lord started a stirring in Caleb's heart to return. For me it was only a thought. I said, "Maybe one day".
At seven months pregnant, Caleb began to feel this stirring even more strongly and really began to seek the Lord about it in prayer. The thought of moving away from my family with a newborn did not settle well with me. I needed a definite word from God.
Caleb went to work at 8 every morning and I was usually still asleep. This particular morning in my half asleep/awake stage I clearly heard Caleb say, "Pack your bags...you're moving to Hamilton". When I completely woke up, I jumped up and ran in every room in our small home trying to find Caleb. He was no where to be found. I called him at work and asked him did he tell me that and he said no. The strange thing was He finally clearly heard the Lord tell him the SAME thing!! That morning!! Immediately I had peace in my heart. I was ready to move to Hamilton on the word of God.
When Eden was only 3 months old...we moved to Hamilton. It was a hard transition. But we were willing vessels saying YES to the will of God. We knew when we moved that this would only be for a season of our lives. This would not be permanent for us. We expected it would be 5-10 years....at the least! Many times we've tried to make our lives here permanent. We have planted business. Attempted to buy a home. Make deep connections with others, etc. Nothing seemed to work though. Our business just got us by. Our loan wouldn't go through. And the deep connections were far and few between, although there are those we consider friends who stick closer than a brother! I believe God didn't allow the permanent fixes to stick because He knew it wouldn't be long until He called us home.
Six to seven months ago the Lord began to stir in my heart dreams of Meridian. I literally smelled Meridian. I thought about it constantly and missed it a lot. So...I started rebuking a "familiar spirit"! Haha! I told it Hamilton is the place God called us to and I started breaking any ties with Meridian that I might have forgotten about. But this stirring just didn't go away. So, I began praying into it HARD! Dreams I used to have for Meridian (that I had pushed back) started to come forth. I started desiring to do these things. God has hope for Meridian! One day, I said to Caleb, "I miss Meridian"....and he responded with the same statement. I asked him had he been feeling the same things I was and He said yes. Together we began to pray into this.
God has a perfect will for our lives. He knows the right and wrong move and we know that anything we do without His word is in vain. We know that we could move home and it not be the word of God for us and fail. When I say we prayed...we PRAYED!
After Christmas I felt the stirring even stronger! I knew the Lord was saying it was time. We've only lived in Hamilton 1 year and 7 months. Why would He call us to a place for this period of time? "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens" -Ecc 3:1
That is the only answer I got.
Again we say yes Lord to all you have for us. We are willing vessels! We so want to fulfil His call for our lives!!
Our first move, before telling ANYONE, was to go to Mrs. Karen...our spiritual authority. I advise everyone to have spiritual authority in your life! The right order of this was to get with her and tell her everything I felt the Lord was sharing with me and Caleb. She confirmed everything we had been hearing and blessed us on the word of the Lord. What a relief! Having that confirmation is glorious. There were times that I thought I was crazy and just simply missing home.
I am thankful with all of my heart that God brought us here. Although we never had a platform to speak on, or a mic in our hands...we learned so many valuable things that are ETERNAL! We grew as husband and wife, as parents and as a son and daughter of God. We have spent more of our married life in Hamilton than any other place. Our first daughter has spent most of her life (so far) in Hamilton. We have great friends here in Hamilton. This will be a hard transition but beautiful all in the same. I believe God brought us to Hamilton to attain something we can take back to Meridian, that Meridian does not have! Awakening!
I look forward to more tent revivals in the Ben Arthur Davis park. I look forward to lives being totally and radically changed for the glory of the Lord. I look forward to a new journey in our hearts. Our hearts will always be a part of The Ramp and Hamilton. We will stay connected and continue being a part. God has huge plans and I am excited and thankful that He is using us. I am thankful that He is faithful in everything.
To all our Ramp community family: We love you all very much! We will always keep each and every one of you in our prayers. We're not falling off the face of the earth....I promise! Every conference weekend and Sunday night service we can make, we WILL be back! We thank each and everyone of you who have been a part of our lives. Thank you for loving us back.
K, I have to stop now before the tears start flowing.
Caleb was on Chosen from the beginning of 2006 until the end of 2007. So, two years...
He took a "break" ( I guess you could say ) from the team to prepare for marriage and take care of financial matters. We got married May 3 of 2008. That October I was 4 months pregnant and the thought of Hamilton began to imbed itself in our minds. The Lord started a stirring in Caleb's heart to return. For me it was only a thought. I said, "Maybe one day".
At seven months pregnant, Caleb began to feel this stirring even more strongly and really began to seek the Lord about it in prayer. The thought of moving away from my family with a newborn did not settle well with me. I needed a definite word from God.
Caleb went to work at 8 every morning and I was usually still asleep. This particular morning in my half asleep/awake stage I clearly heard Caleb say, "Pack your bags...you're moving to Hamilton". When I completely woke up, I jumped up and ran in every room in our small home trying to find Caleb. He was no where to be found. I called him at work and asked him did he tell me that and he said no. The strange thing was He finally clearly heard the Lord tell him the SAME thing!! That morning!! Immediately I had peace in my heart. I was ready to move to Hamilton on the word of God.
When Eden was only 3 months old...we moved to Hamilton. It was a hard transition. But we were willing vessels saying YES to the will of God. We knew when we moved that this would only be for a season of our lives. This would not be permanent for us. We expected it would be 5-10 years....at the least! Many times we've tried to make our lives here permanent. We have planted business. Attempted to buy a home. Make deep connections with others, etc. Nothing seemed to work though. Our business just got us by. Our loan wouldn't go through. And the deep connections were far and few between, although there are those we consider friends who stick closer than a brother! I believe God didn't allow the permanent fixes to stick because He knew it wouldn't be long until He called us home.
Six to seven months ago the Lord began to stir in my heart dreams of Meridian. I literally smelled Meridian. I thought about it constantly and missed it a lot. So...I started rebuking a "familiar spirit"! Haha! I told it Hamilton is the place God called us to and I started breaking any ties with Meridian that I might have forgotten about. But this stirring just didn't go away. So, I began praying into it HARD! Dreams I used to have for Meridian (that I had pushed back) started to come forth. I started desiring to do these things. God has hope for Meridian! One day, I said to Caleb, "I miss Meridian"....and he responded with the same statement. I asked him had he been feeling the same things I was and He said yes. Together we began to pray into this.
God has a perfect will for our lives. He knows the right and wrong move and we know that anything we do without His word is in vain. We know that we could move home and it not be the word of God for us and fail. When I say we prayed...we PRAYED!
After Christmas I felt the stirring even stronger! I knew the Lord was saying it was time. We've only lived in Hamilton 1 year and 7 months. Why would He call us to a place for this period of time? "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens" -Ecc 3:1
That is the only answer I got.
Again we say yes Lord to all you have for us. We are willing vessels! We so want to fulfil His call for our lives!!
Our first move, before telling ANYONE, was to go to Mrs. Karen...our spiritual authority. I advise everyone to have spiritual authority in your life! The right order of this was to get with her and tell her everything I felt the Lord was sharing with me and Caleb. She confirmed everything we had been hearing and blessed us on the word of the Lord. What a relief! Having that confirmation is glorious. There were times that I thought I was crazy and just simply missing home.
I am thankful with all of my heart that God brought us here. Although we never had a platform to speak on, or a mic in our hands...we learned so many valuable things that are ETERNAL! We grew as husband and wife, as parents and as a son and daughter of God. We have spent more of our married life in Hamilton than any other place. Our first daughter has spent most of her life (so far) in Hamilton. We have great friends here in Hamilton. This will be a hard transition but beautiful all in the same. I believe God brought us to Hamilton to attain something we can take back to Meridian, that Meridian does not have! Awakening!
I look forward to more tent revivals in the Ben Arthur Davis park. I look forward to lives being totally and radically changed for the glory of the Lord. I look forward to a new journey in our hearts. Our hearts will always be a part of The Ramp and Hamilton. We will stay connected and continue being a part. God has huge plans and I am excited and thankful that He is using us. I am thankful that He is faithful in everything.
To all our Ramp community family: We love you all very much! We will always keep each and every one of you in our prayers. We're not falling off the face of the earth....I promise! Every conference weekend and Sunday night service we can make, we WILL be back! We thank each and everyone of you who have been a part of our lives. Thank you for loving us back.
K, I have to stop now before the tears start flowing.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Jesus is a sword. Dividing between flesh and spirit.
As humans we tend to imagine God as who we think He is. We don't truly have knowledge of who He is. Imagining God as one thing compared to who He really is, is such a dangerous place. In our fault we can say, "Oh, he is God, full of grace and mercy." But remember that He is also Just! As a parent, I understand this next statement better. Yes, He is a father...but a father that TRULY loves also disciplines. When I was little I remember my dad spanking me, then turning me around and asking me, "Do you know why I did that? Because I love you!"
In everything we analyze and decide who we think God is. There are so many areas I can go into concerning this but in prayer this morning, God laid something specific on my heart.
"Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on, families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against- or two in favor and three against. Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law. -Luke 12:51-53
That is semi-hard to imagine, huh? That Jesus really didn't come to bring peace and unity but division between flesh and spirit. Relationships developed in the flesh and not spirit eventually end in death. Being reared in a christian home, and rearing my children in a christian home is so desireable to me. I love them with all of my heart and could not imagine being seperated from them. Being 155.11 miles away from my own family is hard enough. It is so important to yoke ourselves with those who are like-minded for Christ. This passage not only pushes me to make sure I teach my children the ways of the Lord but also that I pray for my family who does not know Him for who He truly is. I want these people to remain in my life. I want to look beside me and see them running this race too! And if and whenever they stumble, I want to take them by the hand and be an encouragement.
Jesus also states this, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." -Luke 14: 26-27
Ok, you don't have to hate on everybody! This simply means that He should be so loved by you that you will follow him no matter the circumstances! I thought about this verse while watching Ratatoullie with Eden and Caleb last night (Hilarious movie if you've never seen it). Remy, the main mouse, is very different from his family. He loves to cook and he's very good at it! He gets seperated from his family for a while and ends up at his favorite restaraunt, Gusteau's. While there he sits in the chef hat of a terrible cook and helps him cook good meals. Eventually he is reunited with his family. He has been taught that all great chefs do not steal food. He lets his family get the best of him and begins to sneak food to them. Eventually, he lets his whole rodent family into the restaraunt one night to take what they want....and he gets caught!
Although he had commited himself to Linguini(the chef), after some discouragement he encountered, he let his family get the best of him. His loyalty was indeed not to the chef after all.
I see our relationship with Christ this way. When we commit to dying daily and taking up our cross, we put Christ above all. Our loyalty is to Him and him alone. You forsake ALL to take up your cross and follow Him wherever He may lead.
A.W Tozer says this, "Flesh must always be sacrificed to the spirit and the heavenly placed above the earthly, and that at any cost. When we take up the cross, we become expendable, along with all natural friendships and all previous loyalties and Christ becomes all in all." Nicely put.
Although I personally believe that God wants us to enjoy those He has placed in our lives, He also wants those relationships to be equally yoked. I can tell you from experience it is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is not spiritually in the same place as you. Our lives should revolve around Christ and our spiritual relationship with Him. It is eternally important. Religion (or our relationship with Christ) SHOULD interfere in our private lives. It should be a constant in our lives. He created you and He has the right to be in every crevice and crack. Denying Him that place is a non-devoted heart.
And don't feel that division is the end of the world either! While we know that God knows only the perfect plan in the end, we should trust that. Sometimes division is necessary for God to take us to the place intended for us from the beginning of time. He will not forsake us(: He is a good God in the hard places and the good places. Take the time to draw near to Him in the hard places and soar on the easy roads. He takes all things intended for evil and indeed makes them good!
This is a good test and will show the true intentions of the heart. Definitely not a bad thing(:
In everything we analyze and decide who we think God is. There are so many areas I can go into concerning this but in prayer this morning, God laid something specific on my heart.
"Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on, families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against- or two in favor and three against. Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law. -Luke 12:51-53
That is semi-hard to imagine, huh? That Jesus really didn't come to bring peace and unity but division between flesh and spirit. Relationships developed in the flesh and not spirit eventually end in death. Being reared in a christian home, and rearing my children in a christian home is so desireable to me. I love them with all of my heart and could not imagine being seperated from them. Being 155.11 miles away from my own family is hard enough. It is so important to yoke ourselves with those who are like-minded for Christ. This passage not only pushes me to make sure I teach my children the ways of the Lord but also that I pray for my family who does not know Him for who He truly is. I want these people to remain in my life. I want to look beside me and see them running this race too! And if and whenever they stumble, I want to take them by the hand and be an encouragement.
Jesus also states this, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." -Luke 14: 26-27
Ok, you don't have to hate on everybody! This simply means that He should be so loved by you that you will follow him no matter the circumstances! I thought about this verse while watching Ratatoullie with Eden and Caleb last night (Hilarious movie if you've never seen it). Remy, the main mouse, is very different from his family. He loves to cook and he's very good at it! He gets seperated from his family for a while and ends up at his favorite restaraunt, Gusteau's. While there he sits in the chef hat of a terrible cook and helps him cook good meals. Eventually he is reunited with his family. He has been taught that all great chefs do not steal food. He lets his family get the best of him and begins to sneak food to them. Eventually, he lets his whole rodent family into the restaraunt one night to take what they want....and he gets caught!
Although he had commited himself to Linguini(the chef), after some discouragement he encountered, he let his family get the best of him. His loyalty was indeed not to the chef after all.
I see our relationship with Christ this way. When we commit to dying daily and taking up our cross, we put Christ above all. Our loyalty is to Him and him alone. You forsake ALL to take up your cross and follow Him wherever He may lead.
A.W Tozer says this, "Flesh must always be sacrificed to the spirit and the heavenly placed above the earthly, and that at any cost. When we take up the cross, we become expendable, along with all natural friendships and all previous loyalties and Christ becomes all in all." Nicely put.
Although I personally believe that God wants us to enjoy those He has placed in our lives, He also wants those relationships to be equally yoked. I can tell you from experience it is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is not spiritually in the same place as you. Our lives should revolve around Christ and our spiritual relationship with Him. It is eternally important. Religion (or our relationship with Christ) SHOULD interfere in our private lives. It should be a constant in our lives. He created you and He has the right to be in every crevice and crack. Denying Him that place is a non-devoted heart.
And don't feel that division is the end of the world either! While we know that God knows only the perfect plan in the end, we should trust that. Sometimes division is necessary for God to take us to the place intended for us from the beginning of time. He will not forsake us(: He is a good God in the hard places and the good places. Take the time to draw near to Him in the hard places and soar on the easy roads. He takes all things intended for evil and indeed makes them good!
This is a good test and will show the true intentions of the heart. Definitely not a bad thing(:
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Would this be considered a biography?
I came across a question the other day which I attempted to answer in my head but could not. So I thought the best place to do so would be here. So for those of you who are only aquaintances, enjoy!
Who are you? Enlighten me about yourself...
Here goes...
Keep in mind that I am only 21 and this will more than likely change with time. So I will include those things that have stayed with me along with the "now".
1. I was the eldest child. I definitely think that plays a big part in personality. I didn't have a sibling until I was 5 1/2. My mom always said that even before my sister came along that I wasn't good at playing by myself. I always wanted a friend to play with. That has stuck with me through life. I enjoy people. I could spend all day hanging out with someone even if that meant not talking and just watching movies. I love the presence of people. One thing that has changed in the past 3 years is that I enjoy my alone time also. That is when I enjoy the presence of God.
Onto other things..
2. I will carry on a conversation with ANYONE. Speaking of, here is an example. Caleb and I stopped in Ackerman to have someone look at something on my car before we sold it. Instead of letting Caleb handle it, I stood with the guy and talked about everything possible. I like meeting new people and making friends. It's not too hard for me for the most part. And...I def get along with those who are the same. Aricka Drewery, can carry on a conversation with a wall and I love that about her! Hence, she's a friend(:
3. I spend a lot of time being goofy. Most of my life's hours consist of being insanely stupid. Silly dancing, lip-syncing (bc I have no talent in that area) with a brush and jumping on my furniture. Yes, I remember...I'm still only 21. But I hope I never outgrow the silliness. The best thing about this part of "me" is that I'm married to someone very similar! Caleb has a cb in one of his trucks and we like to drive down the road singing like chinese people through it. He "dings" while I sing. It's very odd, because we can do this for 30 minutes without stopping. We break into crazy dance in our living room ALOT. I don't even have to tell him what I'm thinking...he like...reads my mind. My favorite part is our wrestling matches we have at midnight when we're both SO tired we can barely hold our eyes open. He usually wins. One time he pushed me off our bed (it's at least 4 feet high!) caught me by the feet so I banged my face on the side of our bed. It is a sleigh bed so all I hit was wood. Then I just crumpled to the floor in pain. We laughed so hard even though I was almost positive I broke my nose. We play soccer in our living room nearly every night. I win. I maintain lots of black and blue bruises on my legs. I swear he doesn't beat me.
4. I appreciate life more than anyone I currently know. I've been through it all and have never had it all. I witnessed my mom struggle and have struggled myself in more things than one. I feel that gives me a sense of appreciation. I don't regret the life I've had but am thankful it is what I was given. Lacking creates appreciation. God knew what He was doing. He developed REAL faith within me.
5. Talents- I have none. I don't sing. I danced in high school, but I wouldn't consider it a talent. I took piano for 9 years....and don't remember ONE thing. I can't even read music. No boasting intended but I am quite athletic. I played softball for 15 years. I played on Varsity for my school and also with a tournament team that traveled. I took gymnastics for 12 years and dance/cheer for 4. I made the soccer team but my mom made me quit before our first practice. I played basketball for my school and if I had any interest in tennis I would have pursued that but didn't. Oh, and I did track for a year. Sadly, I can't carry those "talents" if that's what you call it...into my adult life. I wish that they could advance the kingdom in some way but unless the world goes into mass chaos and I had to run a long way...I don't think it would matter. And I can't hit a softball and hope that brings Jesus. No giftings that I know of? yah-dah yah...
6. I think I have a slight sense of humor. My mom and I are pretty funny to hang out with. We crack a lot of jokes and are always laughing about something. I decided after analyzing myself (haha) that I can be a somewhat smart eleck(sp) with my humor. But never hurtful! I'm the type of person that if you have a booger in your nose...I'm going to whisper it in your ear. Don't worry, I'll tell you. But I would not embarass anyone! Not on purpose at least!
7. I'm probably one of the most honest people you meet. Not brutally honest, just honest. (Unless you are a cop and I ran a red light...then I might try and bend the truth some) Terrible, I know!! Not that I run red lights or anything. Yellow means slow down, not speed up. I have actually never had a ticket before. If you ever want to know anything just ask me and I'll tell you first hand. If I ever hear anything about anyone that seems odd...I'm probably just gonna ask them. No need in going through 10 people to find out the truth. I think that can become gossip anyways. I have to say though, it aggravates me when people don't do the same. If you hear something that makes you "think differently" of another person...just find out the truth for yourself! You could have possibly had a good friend indeed! I have learned that taking others for their word is not always the best. People lie! Sad truth, but it is true.
8. This may not even be about me...idk. Yes it is...I love to eat! My dad and I used to have eating contests when I was little. We would see who could eat the most sloppy joe's. I always won! Thankfully, I had this ridiculous metabolism. I love carbs. I love pastas with all of my heart. Mmmm-mmm! Give me a good baked potato with just the right amount of butter and cheese and I'll be your best friend for life. Well, since I love to eat, I enjoy cooking. I hate cleaning up afterwards...but putting that food in my mouth makes it all worth it! I even ate lunch at school. Most people don't do that. I would ask my friends who didn't eat all theirs if I could have the rest. That's how much I enjoyed it.
9. I love movies. Action, romance, comedy, suspense (not scary), you name it...I'll love it. If my job could be movie critic I would be a millionaire. Every day all day I would watch movies. Obviously, I have a life so I can't do that. Also, it would interfere with my time with God. I definitely can't have that. Maybe tv/movies is of the devil. Haha!!
10. I love my family more than anything in this world. Not only my husband and children, but ALL of them. My mom is my best friend. I call her everyday, literally 3 times or more. I love her so much because she doesn't always take my side. I know that seems a little crazy but I love how she weighs out a situation and gives me her conclusion. She's not some "spiritual" person. She's very simple and I love that. She's my "down to earth" bestie. My dad, I love simply because he is my dad. He's not always done things right by no means but at the end of the day he is my dad. He is a definte redneck living the redneck life. I think that's all I have to say about that! You will find him with a beer in his hand, a dip in his mouth and a few cuss words slingin around. He tried to teach me to cuss at people. Yes. That is him. I believe for some real salvation there. I could go on about every single person in my family and why I love them but that would be boring to you. Regardless, I love with all of my heart. I don't half-way do it. I've been made fun of a lot for having "too much" compassion. Call it what you may, but I sure do love the people in my life. I love them in their gross sin because He loved me in mine. And I believe through that, they'll see Him.
Who am I? Non-spiritually speaking...I'm Sydney Rachel Cagle Culpepper. Wife to Caleb Culpepper, by far the best earthly friend I'll ever have. Mother to a wonderful, full of life daughter and soon to be angel. A true friend to those I love. I enjoy a lot of laughs and some good food and most importantly friends who are real. I'm my own person. I love who I am and everything about me that makes me, me.
Who are you? Enlighten me about yourself...
Here goes...
Keep in mind that I am only 21 and this will more than likely change with time. So I will include those things that have stayed with me along with the "now".
1. I was the eldest child. I definitely think that plays a big part in personality. I didn't have a sibling until I was 5 1/2. My mom always said that even before my sister came along that I wasn't good at playing by myself. I always wanted a friend to play with. That has stuck with me through life. I enjoy people. I could spend all day hanging out with someone even if that meant not talking and just watching movies. I love the presence of people. One thing that has changed in the past 3 years is that I enjoy my alone time also. That is when I enjoy the presence of God.
Onto other things..
2. I will carry on a conversation with ANYONE. Speaking of, here is an example. Caleb and I stopped in Ackerman to have someone look at something on my car before we sold it. Instead of letting Caleb handle it, I stood with the guy and talked about everything possible. I like meeting new people and making friends. It's not too hard for me for the most part. And...I def get along with those who are the same. Aricka Drewery, can carry on a conversation with a wall and I love that about her! Hence, she's a friend(:
3. I spend a lot of time being goofy. Most of my life's hours consist of being insanely stupid. Silly dancing, lip-syncing (bc I have no talent in that area) with a brush and jumping on my furniture. Yes, I remember...I'm still only 21. But I hope I never outgrow the silliness. The best thing about this part of "me" is that I'm married to someone very similar! Caleb has a cb in one of his trucks and we like to drive down the road singing like chinese people through it. He "dings" while I sing. It's very odd, because we can do this for 30 minutes without stopping. We break into crazy dance in our living room ALOT. I don't even have to tell him what I'm thinking...he like...reads my mind. My favorite part is our wrestling matches we have at midnight when we're both SO tired we can barely hold our eyes open. He usually wins. One time he pushed me off our bed (it's at least 4 feet high!) caught me by the feet so I banged my face on the side of our bed. It is a sleigh bed so all I hit was wood. Then I just crumpled to the floor in pain. We laughed so hard even though I was almost positive I broke my nose. We play soccer in our living room nearly every night. I win. I maintain lots of black and blue bruises on my legs. I swear he doesn't beat me.
4. I appreciate life more than anyone I currently know. I've been through it all and have never had it all. I witnessed my mom struggle and have struggled myself in more things than one. I feel that gives me a sense of appreciation. I don't regret the life I've had but am thankful it is what I was given. Lacking creates appreciation. God knew what He was doing. He developed REAL faith within me.
5. Talents- I have none. I don't sing. I danced in high school, but I wouldn't consider it a talent. I took piano for 9 years....and don't remember ONE thing. I can't even read music. No boasting intended but I am quite athletic. I played softball for 15 years. I played on Varsity for my school and also with a tournament team that traveled. I took gymnastics for 12 years and dance/cheer for 4. I made the soccer team but my mom made me quit before our first practice. I played basketball for my school and if I had any interest in tennis I would have pursued that but didn't. Oh, and I did track for a year. Sadly, I can't carry those "talents" if that's what you call it...into my adult life. I wish that they could advance the kingdom in some way but unless the world goes into mass chaos and I had to run a long way...I don't think it would matter. And I can't hit a softball and hope that brings Jesus. No giftings that I know of? yah-dah yah...
6. I think I have a slight sense of humor. My mom and I are pretty funny to hang out with. We crack a lot of jokes and are always laughing about something. I decided after analyzing myself (haha) that I can be a somewhat smart eleck(sp) with my humor. But never hurtful! I'm the type of person that if you have a booger in your nose...I'm going to whisper it in your ear. Don't worry, I'll tell you. But I would not embarass anyone! Not on purpose at least!
7. I'm probably one of the most honest people you meet. Not brutally honest, just honest. (Unless you are a cop and I ran a red light...then I might try and bend the truth some) Terrible, I know!! Not that I run red lights or anything. Yellow means slow down, not speed up. I have actually never had a ticket before. If you ever want to know anything just ask me and I'll tell you first hand. If I ever hear anything about anyone that seems odd...I'm probably just gonna ask them. No need in going through 10 people to find out the truth. I think that can become gossip anyways. I have to say though, it aggravates me when people don't do the same. If you hear something that makes you "think differently" of another person...just find out the truth for yourself! You could have possibly had a good friend indeed! I have learned that taking others for their word is not always the best. People lie! Sad truth, but it is true.
8. This may not even be about me...idk. Yes it is...I love to eat! My dad and I used to have eating contests when I was little. We would see who could eat the most sloppy joe's. I always won! Thankfully, I had this ridiculous metabolism. I love carbs. I love pastas with all of my heart. Mmmm-mmm! Give me a good baked potato with just the right amount of butter and cheese and I'll be your best friend for life. Well, since I love to eat, I enjoy cooking. I hate cleaning up afterwards...but putting that food in my mouth makes it all worth it! I even ate lunch at school. Most people don't do that. I would ask my friends who didn't eat all theirs if I could have the rest. That's how much I enjoyed it.
9. I love movies. Action, romance, comedy, suspense (not scary), you name it...I'll love it. If my job could be movie critic I would be a millionaire. Every day all day I would watch movies. Obviously, I have a life so I can't do that. Also, it would interfere with my time with God. I definitely can't have that. Maybe tv/movies is of the devil. Haha!!
10. I love my family more than anything in this world. Not only my husband and children, but ALL of them. My mom is my best friend. I call her everyday, literally 3 times or more. I love her so much because she doesn't always take my side. I know that seems a little crazy but I love how she weighs out a situation and gives me her conclusion. She's not some "spiritual" person. She's very simple and I love that. She's my "down to earth" bestie. My dad, I love simply because he is my dad. He's not always done things right by no means but at the end of the day he is my dad. He is a definte redneck living the redneck life. I think that's all I have to say about that! You will find him with a beer in his hand, a dip in his mouth and a few cuss words slingin around. He tried to teach me to cuss at people. Yes. That is him. I believe for some real salvation there. I could go on about every single person in my family and why I love them but that would be boring to you. Regardless, I love with all of my heart. I don't half-way do it. I've been made fun of a lot for having "too much" compassion. Call it what you may, but I sure do love the people in my life. I love them in their gross sin because He loved me in mine. And I believe through that, they'll see Him.
Who am I? Non-spiritually speaking...I'm Sydney Rachel Cagle Culpepper. Wife to Caleb Culpepper, by far the best earthly friend I'll ever have. Mother to a wonderful, full of life daughter and soon to be angel. A true friend to those I love. I enjoy a lot of laughs and some good food and most importantly friends who are real. I'm my own person. I love who I am and everything about me that makes me, me.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Woah! I love this blog...
Today was our 14 week 1 day doctor appointment. Suprisingly they told me I needed to gain weight. I've lost 5 pounds since my first appointment. At least I wasn't told not to eat more(: I love eating! The past week I've been feeling little baby ball up on my left side and I can even see him/her. I would swear that I felt them move last night but God said not to make a vow you can't keep and honestly I could be slightly delusional so I'll not swear.
I'll have to say, lately I have felt slightly delusional. Kick it to baby hormones or whatever you feel like, but I've been on a one-way street to telling it how I see it. Trying not to get frustrated/emotional at what could be considered minor details is very hard. So, unfortunately I've been wanting to punch some folks lately..and in my state I'm scared to say I wouldn't. Caleb said to me today, "If you could cuss, you would...wouldn't you?" So, today I read about self-control and holding my tongue. Thank you Holy word of God. Don't judge me. If you have a problem with that don't be nosey and read my blog! See, that's what I'm talking about. It just comes out. Thankfully, I can backspace this if I want. But...seriously don't take my honesty out of context, please?!
Speaking of emotions. We're doing owner financing with the couple we're buying our house from and the sweet wife died Sunday. She has battled cancer for many years and so has her husband. Unfortunately...or I guess I should say fortunately, considering she's pain/sick-free, the Lord decided it was time for her to come home. They are like grandparents to us. No lie. They love us and we love them dearly! In my akwardness, I don't know how to handle death. I never have. I just kind of run the other way. I already know that nothing I say can make them feel better and I seriously freak out when I get in their presence. Well, while in Wal-Mart reading sympathy cards trying to pick out the most appropriate one....I cried. Truly, I will miss Mrs. Judy. She had that funny bossy attitude towards her husband but in her eyes all you saw was love. Mr. David almost broke Caleb down when he spoke with him on the phone. We have prayed with them nearly everytime we've been to their home. Speaking healing over each of their bodies. The second time we met him, he said he believed since his dad had died, God had sent us to them for prayer. I know he's right.
Spiritually, God has had me in like 10 different places. I'm not sure if He's wanting me to take my pick or what? So, I'm in a little of this and a little of that everyday. The Jezebel spirit, Romans 14 and character. Okay, so it's not 10 but with everything else I have going on in my day it feels like it!
Lessons I've learned today? Never drive a vehicle with Caleb in it. Just let the man drive. I'm telling ya! He's bossy(: We got a good laugh at the end of the day though!
Well, if you think dreams mean anything.....I have had 3 dreams we're having a boy! I would be delighted(: Of course, if it is a girl I will be just as delighted! Boy names: Noah Bryan or Koehn Reighns, we can't decide. Noah-comforter, Bryan-strength (that's like a crazy oxymoron). Koehn-Priest, Reighns-meaning in itself. Girl names: Oh my goodness, you don't want to go there! I'll give you a little rundown. Note: We CANNOT agree. Willow, Piper, Scarlett, Shiloh, Mychal, Laine, Khloee, Emma-Grace, Hadlie....yeah, told ya. Middle names: Grace, Rose or Rain. If it happens to be a girl, I pray God gives me a dream of an exact name because it's stressin' me ouuutttt!
Good News: We sold my car! Yes, thank you Jesus! Now, for sale still: 02 Chevrolet Avalanche, 95 Honda Shadow(I think) It's a motorcycle, 90-something Toyota thingy...anyways. We're cleaning house! After selling all of our motor-things, we'll only have Caleb's diesel and me a new vehicle(: Yay!!
For you Vegas haters: Have you been there before? Did you know that a cruise is just as "sin-filled"? Or you neighboring store parking lot!? Sometimes the home next door has worse things going down. I know it's "the name". Everyone associates Vegas to the whole "sin-city" thing. Well let me explain....
1. This is the first reason we chose Vegas. Caleb went there WITH HIS PARENTS when he was 12. He loved it and has ALWAYS said he wanted to take me there.
2. All you can eat buffet's. I mean what the heck? Yes, please take me. (they're CHEAP)!
3. TONS of shows that are...ahem, PG. No boobies! Hello, "Disney's The Lion King"....among COUNTLESS others.
4. Sweet hotel for $30 a night. Yes, you read right. Did I mention we're in the tallest hotel and can see everything? We have a spa in our hotel. And a themepark on top of it....Chhhyyeaaah!
5. God said HE went to the darkness.
6. Um, I'm pregnant. Do you seriously think I'm going to bust up in some topless, hoo-ha showing, booze passin' round show. No. Think again. How tasteless....
7. Even if I wasn't impregnated I would not be looking at other girls doobles, much less letting my husband...
8. Yes, I like a Georgia Peach....a VIRGIN Georgia Peach. And I will partake of one. Yummy...
9. Have you ever asked yourself this question: If I stay in my cute little bubble (Yes, I totally believe God will bring them to me) BUT if I stay in my bubble, what about those who don't come? What about Peter? His shadow passed over people and they were healed! Seriously, don't underestimate my God!
10. I'm convinced that anyone who would even slightly question the thought of us taking a vacation in Vegas indeed does not know us at all. If your first response to this is, "Oh, that place is full of sin"....you've let me down. My first thought was, "HECK YEAHHHH!" I'm a grain of salt. I'm made in the image and likeness of a Holy God. I can change an atmosphere! You may think small but I think big! Pessimism is not allowed in my home. Maybe I'm a little over optimistic. But I'd rather be too much than too little. Sometimes we assume more than we should. Just sayin'..
11. I'm gonna have a baller time. With my baby bump and all(: I might meet a few celebrities. Attempt to hug em' and then tell them about Jesus. So, we don't need prayers for our salvation, just prayers for those we meet.
I totally laughed at what I just wrote. I just want some of you to think a little more open-mindedly (is that even a word?). Anyways, God is way bigger than the box we put him in. He has the capability to do above and beyond the biggest thing we can think of. Vegas is small in his eyes. But I know God put this place on our heart for a reason. What better way to spend a vacation than introducing others to Someone so Great!
I love each and everyone of you very much! I am happy and ecstatic about our trip and I know God is too! Have a blessed day(:
I'll have to say, lately I have felt slightly delusional. Kick it to baby hormones or whatever you feel like, but I've been on a one-way street to telling it how I see it. Trying not to get frustrated/emotional at what could be considered minor details is very hard. So, unfortunately I've been wanting to punch some folks lately..and in my state I'm scared to say I wouldn't. Caleb said to me today, "If you could cuss, you would...wouldn't you?" So, today I read about self-control and holding my tongue. Thank you Holy word of God. Don't judge me. If you have a problem with that don't be nosey and read my blog! See, that's what I'm talking about. It just comes out. Thankfully, I can backspace this if I want. But...seriously don't take my honesty out of context, please?!
Speaking of emotions. We're doing owner financing with the couple we're buying our house from and the sweet wife died Sunday. She has battled cancer for many years and so has her husband. Unfortunately...or I guess I should say fortunately, considering she's pain/sick-free, the Lord decided it was time for her to come home. They are like grandparents to us. No lie. They love us and we love them dearly! In my akwardness, I don't know how to handle death. I never have. I just kind of run the other way. I already know that nothing I say can make them feel better and I seriously freak out when I get in their presence. Well, while in Wal-Mart reading sympathy cards trying to pick out the most appropriate one....I cried. Truly, I will miss Mrs. Judy. She had that funny bossy attitude towards her husband but in her eyes all you saw was love. Mr. David almost broke Caleb down when he spoke with him on the phone. We have prayed with them nearly everytime we've been to their home. Speaking healing over each of their bodies. The second time we met him, he said he believed since his dad had died, God had sent us to them for prayer. I know he's right.
Spiritually, God has had me in like 10 different places. I'm not sure if He's wanting me to take my pick or what? So, I'm in a little of this and a little of that everyday. The Jezebel spirit, Romans 14 and character. Okay, so it's not 10 but with everything else I have going on in my day it feels like it!
Lessons I've learned today? Never drive a vehicle with Caleb in it. Just let the man drive. I'm telling ya! He's bossy(: We got a good laugh at the end of the day though!
Well, if you think dreams mean anything.....I have had 3 dreams we're having a boy! I would be delighted(: Of course, if it is a girl I will be just as delighted! Boy names: Noah Bryan or Koehn Reighns, we can't decide. Noah-comforter, Bryan-strength (that's like a crazy oxymoron). Koehn-Priest, Reighns-meaning in itself. Girl names: Oh my goodness, you don't want to go there! I'll give you a little rundown. Note: We CANNOT agree. Willow, Piper, Scarlett, Shiloh, Mychal, Laine, Khloee, Emma-Grace, Hadlie....yeah, told ya. Middle names: Grace, Rose or Rain. If it happens to be a girl, I pray God gives me a dream of an exact name because it's stressin' me ouuutttt!
Good News: We sold my car! Yes, thank you Jesus! Now, for sale still: 02 Chevrolet Avalanche, 95 Honda Shadow(I think) It's a motorcycle, 90-something Toyota thingy...anyways. We're cleaning house! After selling all of our motor-things, we'll only have Caleb's diesel and me a new vehicle(: Yay!!
For you Vegas haters: Have you been there before? Did you know that a cruise is just as "sin-filled"? Or you neighboring store parking lot!? Sometimes the home next door has worse things going down. I know it's "the name". Everyone associates Vegas to the whole "sin-city" thing. Well let me explain....
1. This is the first reason we chose Vegas. Caleb went there WITH HIS PARENTS when he was 12. He loved it and has ALWAYS said he wanted to take me there.
2. All you can eat buffet's. I mean what the heck? Yes, please take me. (they're CHEAP)!
3. TONS of shows that are...ahem, PG. No boobies! Hello, "Disney's The Lion King"....among COUNTLESS others.
4. Sweet hotel for $30 a night. Yes, you read right. Did I mention we're in the tallest hotel and can see everything? We have a spa in our hotel. And a themepark on top of it....Chhhyyeaaah!
5. God said HE went to the darkness.
6. Um, I'm pregnant. Do you seriously think I'm going to bust up in some topless, hoo-ha showing, booze passin' round show. No. Think again. How tasteless....
7. Even if I wasn't impregnated I would not be looking at other girls doobles, much less letting my husband...
8. Yes, I like a Georgia Peach....a VIRGIN Georgia Peach. And I will partake of one. Yummy...
9. Have you ever asked yourself this question: If I stay in my cute little bubble (Yes, I totally believe God will bring them to me) BUT if I stay in my bubble, what about those who don't come? What about Peter? His shadow passed over people and they were healed! Seriously, don't underestimate my God!
10. I'm convinced that anyone who would even slightly question the thought of us taking a vacation in Vegas indeed does not know us at all. If your first response to this is, "Oh, that place is full of sin"....you've let me down. My first thought was, "HECK YEAHHHH!" I'm a grain of salt. I'm made in the image and likeness of a Holy God. I can change an atmosphere! You may think small but I think big! Pessimism is not allowed in my home. Maybe I'm a little over optimistic. But I'd rather be too much than too little. Sometimes we assume more than we should. Just sayin'..
11. I'm gonna have a baller time. With my baby bump and all(: I might meet a few celebrities. Attempt to hug em' and then tell them about Jesus. So, we don't need prayers for our salvation, just prayers for those we meet.
I totally laughed at what I just wrote. I just want some of you to think a little more open-mindedly (is that even a word?). Anyways, God is way bigger than the box we put him in. He has the capability to do above and beyond the biggest thing we can think of. Vegas is small in his eyes. But I know God put this place on our heart for a reason. What better way to spend a vacation than introducing others to Someone so Great!
I love each and everyone of you very much! I am happy and ecstatic about our trip and I know God is too! Have a blessed day(:
Friday, December 31, 2010
Just a day in the life...
We weren't able to be a part of Winter Ramp 2010 in Chattanooga this year and it was definitely a sad day in the neighborhood. Caleb's work schedule is basically 7am-9pm. I'm convinced that Hamilton folks don't use their phones much! (: We've been in the middle of dinner and here come lights up the driveway. Then it's just me and Eden left eating dinner. No date nights. No small getaways. Holidays are pretty rough too. And worst of all, no conferences. BUT, it only lasts 4 months. Although it can be hard at times we are making it!
Watching the services from home made me antsy! We both wished we could be there in the glory with 8000 people! It most definitely would have been an honor knowing we were helping lead so many people in worship of Jesus. Just being able to worship Jesus WITH so many people would have been amazing. Knowing that He is not confined to one area made my heart settle though. He made His presence very known right here in my living room. Although I wasn't there physically, the glory came and I worshipped Jesus with those 8000 people today. I love Him. He doesn't leave anyone out.
Yesterday Caleb and I finalized our vacation/anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I know, I know..sin city you say?! The light shines brighter than the dark. A light is seen because there is darkness. We're taking the light with us. We are in our third year of marriage. Our first anniversary we lived in Meridian. Guess where we went for our anniversary? Hamilton, Al. Yep, that's right. We came to conference. Our second anniversary we visited my Aunt and Uncle in Grenada, MS. So, we decided it was time to take a trip for ourselves. Caleb has been to Vegas before and absolutely loved it. There is always something going on...and yes, there are plenty of PG-rated things to do! We plan on seeing some great shows, shopping, going to see the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam and much more. Our hotel has a spa in it...so you know I'll be getting a pregnancy massage! Watch out Vegas...I'll see you Feb 13!
I'm glad to say that I've finally reached week 13/14 of pregnancy! I was never sick or nauseated with Eden but this little butterbean has been different. I guess it's true when they say all pregnancies are different! Every morning I would just come curl up in a ball in the recliner too nauseated to move. All the foods I used to love made me want to throw up with the exception of sweets. I was pretty healthy with Eden throughout the pregnancy. This one has been a whole other story! Not once in the 7 weeks I knew of our new lamb did I cook a meal. And cleaning was a minimum. Now that I'm past the fatigue and nausea I am happy to say that I have a VERY clean house along with a meal cooked EVERY single night for my wonderful husband and daughter. I was so excited to wake up feeling great that I made a list of all the things I missed eating while feeling queasy. We've been eating good ever since(:
Knowing my house was not clean made me have some serious anxiety! Not only was I nauseous and tired out of my mind but I was very ill at every person that came in and added to the craziness. Thank you Jesus we're over that! Now I have the energy to clean up my after my "little tornado"! Along with my other child, Caleb(: and myself. Things are starting to look up around here!
Part 3 of my struggles has been put on hold through the holidays. It seems that so much has been going on along with all the thoughts I have..I can't process it all fast enough. So although you won't be hearing about it just yet, God is still doing a mighty work in me. He's helped me work through a lot but like I said I have too many thoughts trying to be processed in my pregnancy brain. Not only that but some things have to be cherished until it's time to be shared. We're still cherishing moments together(: At the end of my day, regardless of all we go through, He is still God. I don't see this as being "how it is" the rest of my days. But even if it was, He would still be God. He will always be my provider, even if it's not to what I see as provision. He will always be who I need Him to be. I love Him no matter what and He knows that.
Now, it's time for me to put my little frog down for a nap and go help Caleb process deer. Yes, I will be putting my hands in raw deer meat. Think about us while you have your normal jobs(: LOL!
<3
I'm adding this after my first post: Today Mrs. Karen said, "God will reward your faithfulness, even if it is SOMEDAY!" This really hit home with me with everything we've been through. I always remember the scripture that says (excuse the choppiness I don't have my bible handy), "...for he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to to each one whatever praise is due." Corinthians 4:4-6?
I know that we have been faithful with what we've been given. We have been faithful with God and what he's asked of us. It's been hard to understand where our reward has been. When Mrs. Karen said this it just hit a place on my heart. Honestly it was encouraging for me to know that I may not have my reward yet, but someday I will hold it. I believe that with all of my heart. And daily we call it forth! I may not see it yet, and you may not see it yet...but it's there and it's coming! Be encouraged!
Watching the services from home made me antsy! We both wished we could be there in the glory with 8000 people! It most definitely would have been an honor knowing we were helping lead so many people in worship of Jesus. Just being able to worship Jesus WITH so many people would have been amazing. Knowing that He is not confined to one area made my heart settle though. He made His presence very known right here in my living room. Although I wasn't there physically, the glory came and I worshipped Jesus with those 8000 people today. I love Him. He doesn't leave anyone out.
Yesterday Caleb and I finalized our vacation/anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I know, I know..sin city you say?! The light shines brighter than the dark. A light is seen because there is darkness. We're taking the light with us. We are in our third year of marriage. Our first anniversary we lived in Meridian. Guess where we went for our anniversary? Hamilton, Al. Yep, that's right. We came to conference. Our second anniversary we visited my Aunt and Uncle in Grenada, MS. So, we decided it was time to take a trip for ourselves. Caleb has been to Vegas before and absolutely loved it. There is always something going on...and yes, there are plenty of PG-rated things to do! We plan on seeing some great shows, shopping, going to see the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam and much more. Our hotel has a spa in it...so you know I'll be getting a pregnancy massage! Watch out Vegas...I'll see you Feb 13!
I'm glad to say that I've finally reached week 13/14 of pregnancy! I was never sick or nauseated with Eden but this little butterbean has been different. I guess it's true when they say all pregnancies are different! Every morning I would just come curl up in a ball in the recliner too nauseated to move. All the foods I used to love made me want to throw up with the exception of sweets. I was pretty healthy with Eden throughout the pregnancy. This one has been a whole other story! Not once in the 7 weeks I knew of our new lamb did I cook a meal. And cleaning was a minimum. Now that I'm past the fatigue and nausea I am happy to say that I have a VERY clean house along with a meal cooked EVERY single night for my wonderful husband and daughter. I was so excited to wake up feeling great that I made a list of all the things I missed eating while feeling queasy. We've been eating good ever since(:
Knowing my house was not clean made me have some serious anxiety! Not only was I nauseous and tired out of my mind but I was very ill at every person that came in and added to the craziness. Thank you Jesus we're over that! Now I have the energy to clean up my after my "little tornado"! Along with my other child, Caleb(: and myself. Things are starting to look up around here!
Part 3 of my struggles has been put on hold through the holidays. It seems that so much has been going on along with all the thoughts I have..I can't process it all fast enough. So although you won't be hearing about it just yet, God is still doing a mighty work in me. He's helped me work through a lot but like I said I have too many thoughts trying to be processed in my pregnancy brain. Not only that but some things have to be cherished until it's time to be shared. We're still cherishing moments together(: At the end of my day, regardless of all we go through, He is still God. I don't see this as being "how it is" the rest of my days. But even if it was, He would still be God. He will always be my provider, even if it's not to what I see as provision. He will always be who I need Him to be. I love Him no matter what and He knows that.
Now, it's time for me to put my little frog down for a nap and go help Caleb process deer. Yes, I will be putting my hands in raw deer meat. Think about us while you have your normal jobs(: LOL!
<3
I'm adding this after my first post: Today Mrs. Karen said, "God will reward your faithfulness, even if it is SOMEDAY!" This really hit home with me with everything we've been through. I always remember the scripture that says (excuse the choppiness I don't have my bible handy), "...for he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to to each one whatever praise is due." Corinthians 4:4-6?
I know that we have been faithful with what we've been given. We have been faithful with God and what he's asked of us. It's been hard to understand where our reward has been. When Mrs. Karen said this it just hit a place on my heart. Honestly it was encouraging for me to know that I may not have my reward yet, but someday I will hold it. I believe that with all of my heart. And daily we call it forth! I may not see it yet, and you may not see it yet...but it's there and it's coming! Be encouraged!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The enemy within me PT 2
For those of you beginning to read this blog, I recommend that you read the previous one first. As the title states it's Part 2(:
We are daily being purged of those things that are not of God. (1 Corinthians 15:31) Daily I find myself facing some sort of flesh in my way of becoming closer to the One I love. I'm far past the "serious" sins, although no one is greater than another. My dealings are normally with attitude, judgement, and the biggest one yet: Envy! One thing I pray constantly is this: God purge me of all unrighteousness today! Anything that is not of you, teach me to rid myself of it. Have you ever heard this saying: Don't ask for patience because He sure will teach you patience! or even this one: Be careful what you ask for! Yeah, when it lines up with the will of God, you're definitely going to get it! And I'm sure we can all agree that leading a life of righteousness is the will of God.
In Bob Sorge's Envy, He writes this, "Envy is an iniquity of the heart that is not seen until an occasion calls it forth." Some occasion has called for this iniquity of my heart. Through gritted teeth, I can honestly say that I am thankful for this. That means my prayers have been heard. Now as most of you know, Caleb and I were very secure financially when we lived in Meridian. That is something we definitely fought hard for considering family AND friends made sure we knew that we would not make it at such a "young age". When God has a plan, he has a plan. We said, "Yes" to all plans He had for us. We know that no dream of man can bring us contentment and joy like the plan of the Lord. So, to Hamilton he brought us! I know that we have grown in more ways than one in this place. We've been taught valuable lessons and grown tremendously spiritually! Knowing that God has heard my prayers of being made righteous, I believe he's brought me to this place emotionally and financially to do just that. Daily he's been unveiling things in my own heart and thought-life that have been detrimental to myself. All concerning this thing called envy. Not only with our financial issues now but also that he put us in a community where other servants are called of God to work in the same "vineyard". Those who are also laboring fervently. Those who have become more fruitful! Secretly I can admit...er confess, that I have envied in that!
God took me back to a well known scripture. "Love does not envy...." How did I not get that? I have had an evil eye. Matthew 6:23 says, "Your eye is a lamp for your body. A PURE EYE lets sunshine into your soul. But an evil eye shuts out the light and PLUNGES you into darkness. If the light you think you have is really darkness, how deep that darkness will be!" That's intense. So all along I've not loved out of a "pure heart/eye". I have not preferred others out of love. I have envied out of an evil eye. Bob Sorge says this, "When we truly walk in love with each other, we will do violence to the carnal passions aroused by envy." Talk about a stomp on the enemy.
God allows us to go through these seasons to prepare us for our DESTINY! In these deep dark places are where we can go deep with God. Obviously it's the time that we "search" for Him the most. The easy seasons are where we soar on the nearness we've gained from the danky seasons. I am finding the river that I will feed on for many seasons to come.
Since I've said yes to dying daily in all actuality I commited to a life of being crucified with Christ. That ALL flesh must be crucified. Sin can have no dominion over me. I want the Kingdom. Therefore, flesh must be crucified. 1 Corinthians 15:50 says, "...flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God." When I read that I automatically say yes again. Yes to this hard...HARD season.
Envy happens when, after setting our heart or eye upon a lofty goal, one of our peers moves toward that goal more quickly than we do (Psalm 131:1-2). Yes, I want things.
I want:
A new vehicle. To own my home. Mainly so I can put new floor down, finish painting and get this awful ugly carpet out of my room. I want to have greatness among many other things. I know not everything I want is possible. That is why We are told to set our heart upong the upward call of God. NOT to set our hearts on the "lofty" and "haughty" heights that are beyond me.
One thing I've learned is the motherly nurturing part of God. When there are things that we want, especially those things that are beyond us, God withholds what we want in order to change our desires. Yes, it's frustrating. Mainly when we believe that the things that we so desire are "of God". That frustration turns to anger (Been there!).....and then to heartache. Been there! But just like a mother weaning her child from the breast, we are weaned from those desires. We go through the same pattern that a child does. Emotions and all. Then comes the solid food! I want to be so satisified with the things that God has given ME. Psalm 131 has helped me relate this to my life.
Sometimes God takes us on 'detours'. Although we may not understand them at the time, there is a purpose. Once someone tried to justify to me, "This is not God's will" because it was a 'hard time'. God reminded me of Job. Three friends came to him to justify how his hardship was not the "will of God". He MUST have done something wrong. If not him, his kids had sinned. They gave their petition of why it "couldn't be the will of God". All the while, as we know from the beginning of the book, it was God's allowance all along. There was a PURPOSE behind his 'detour'. So through all of this I have constantly checked my heart and my intentions. I've come to the realization of my envy and bitterness. And God is helping me overcome this situation! He is empowering me to become refined. To become a utensil that He can use. (2Tim 2:20).
Again, understand the great news behind this blogs. Trust me, I know it's sad. LOL! I've cried many many tears. But life is not about having the "finer things". Although it brings a plus. Christmas is not about presents under a tree. It's about Jesus! And my heartache is not God punishing me. It is about Him loving me. I have a great and powerful destiny. With that comes the training of Grace for an annointing.
I...AM....THANKFUL!
We are daily being purged of those things that are not of God. (1 Corinthians 15:31) Daily I find myself facing some sort of flesh in my way of becoming closer to the One I love. I'm far past the "serious" sins, although no one is greater than another. My dealings are normally with attitude, judgement, and the biggest one yet: Envy! One thing I pray constantly is this: God purge me of all unrighteousness today! Anything that is not of you, teach me to rid myself of it. Have you ever heard this saying: Don't ask for patience because He sure will teach you patience! or even this one: Be careful what you ask for! Yeah, when it lines up with the will of God, you're definitely going to get it! And I'm sure we can all agree that leading a life of righteousness is the will of God.
In Bob Sorge's Envy, He writes this, "Envy is an iniquity of the heart that is not seen until an occasion calls it forth." Some occasion has called for this iniquity of my heart. Through gritted teeth, I can honestly say that I am thankful for this. That means my prayers have been heard. Now as most of you know, Caleb and I were very secure financially when we lived in Meridian. That is something we definitely fought hard for considering family AND friends made sure we knew that we would not make it at such a "young age". When God has a plan, he has a plan. We said, "Yes" to all plans He had for us. We know that no dream of man can bring us contentment and joy like the plan of the Lord. So, to Hamilton he brought us! I know that we have grown in more ways than one in this place. We've been taught valuable lessons and grown tremendously spiritually! Knowing that God has heard my prayers of being made righteous, I believe he's brought me to this place emotionally and financially to do just that. Daily he's been unveiling things in my own heart and thought-life that have been detrimental to myself. All concerning this thing called envy. Not only with our financial issues now but also that he put us in a community where other servants are called of God to work in the same "vineyard". Those who are also laboring fervently. Those who have become more fruitful! Secretly I can admit...er confess, that I have envied in that!
God took me back to a well known scripture. "Love does not envy...." How did I not get that? I have had an evil eye. Matthew 6:23 says, "Your eye is a lamp for your body. A PURE EYE lets sunshine into your soul. But an evil eye shuts out the light and PLUNGES you into darkness. If the light you think you have is really darkness, how deep that darkness will be!" That's intense. So all along I've not loved out of a "pure heart/eye". I have not preferred others out of love. I have envied out of an evil eye. Bob Sorge says this, "When we truly walk in love with each other, we will do violence to the carnal passions aroused by envy." Talk about a stomp on the enemy.
God allows us to go through these seasons to prepare us for our DESTINY! In these deep dark places are where we can go deep with God. Obviously it's the time that we "search" for Him the most. The easy seasons are where we soar on the nearness we've gained from the danky seasons. I am finding the river that I will feed on for many seasons to come.
Since I've said yes to dying daily in all actuality I commited to a life of being crucified with Christ. That ALL flesh must be crucified. Sin can have no dominion over me. I want the Kingdom. Therefore, flesh must be crucified. 1 Corinthians 15:50 says, "...flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God." When I read that I automatically say yes again. Yes to this hard...HARD season.
Envy happens when, after setting our heart or eye upon a lofty goal, one of our peers moves toward that goal more quickly than we do (Psalm 131:1-2). Yes, I want things.
I want:
A new vehicle. To own my home. Mainly so I can put new floor down, finish painting and get this awful ugly carpet out of my room. I want to have greatness among many other things. I know not everything I want is possible. That is why We are told to set our heart upong the upward call of God. NOT to set our hearts on the "lofty" and "haughty" heights that are beyond me.
One thing I've learned is the motherly nurturing part of God. When there are things that we want, especially those things that are beyond us, God withholds what we want in order to change our desires. Yes, it's frustrating. Mainly when we believe that the things that we so desire are "of God". That frustration turns to anger (Been there!).....and then to heartache. Been there! But just like a mother weaning her child from the breast, we are weaned from those desires. We go through the same pattern that a child does. Emotions and all. Then comes the solid food! I want to be so satisified with the things that God has given ME. Psalm 131 has helped me relate this to my life.
Sometimes God takes us on 'detours'. Although we may not understand them at the time, there is a purpose. Once someone tried to justify to me, "This is not God's will" because it was a 'hard time'. God reminded me of Job. Three friends came to him to justify how his hardship was not the "will of God". He MUST have done something wrong. If not him, his kids had sinned. They gave their petition of why it "couldn't be the will of God". All the while, as we know from the beginning of the book, it was God's allowance all along. There was a PURPOSE behind his 'detour'. So through all of this I have constantly checked my heart and my intentions. I've come to the realization of my envy and bitterness. And God is helping me overcome this situation! He is empowering me to become refined. To become a utensil that He can use. (2Tim 2:20).
Again, understand the great news behind this blogs. Trust me, I know it's sad. LOL! I've cried many many tears. But life is not about having the "finer things". Although it brings a plus. Christmas is not about presents under a tree. It's about Jesus! And my heartache is not God punishing me. It is about Him loving me. I have a great and powerful destiny. With that comes the training of Grace for an annointing.
I...AM....THANKFUL!
Friday, December 10, 2010
The enemy within me.
A blog has been far and few between for me lately. Between the nausea, fatigue and hecticness of life lately...there hasn't been much room for it. Although, God has been doing a serious work in me! I'll share...forewarning..its long.
As most of you know from previous post, September and October we had absolutely no income. Besides of course the miracle check that appeared in our mailbox. November 15th actually was the beginning date of "real" deer season. Not to mention we were supposed to be buying our home officially at the beginning of November...which didn't happen. The owners of the house are in bad health and at a very old age. My heart was to get them their money asap. I love them VERY much! But along with this upsetting news came more upsetting news after more upsetting news and I could continue this list on and on...That began a whirlwind of mass chaos in the world of me. Of course what else do you do but get on your face and cry out to God?! So, that's what I did.
I literally had snot coming out of my nose. Yes, gross. Out of many emotions, mostly anger...I slammed my fists against the floor until they turned red. I yelled a lot. I told God I was very mad at him. Followed by a "real sorry". Accompanied by even MORE snot and tears. It's hard to be angry with someone you love so much! It's even harder knowing that He's provided all that I have. HELLO! "Mysterious check!"....I would yell some hurting thought, then say "I know!". Now, looking back I smirk even though my eyes are tear-filled. My tongue has released the word hate a lot lately. "I hate the 'holidays'!" "I hate this place" "I hate, I hate, I hate...". It was not until Caleb pointed it out that I realized how often I began using such a terrible word. The worst part is that deep down I felt the root it was connected to but didn't have the strength to uproot it!
It aggravates me when people say, "It's going to be okay". The response I'd like to shoot back? "You have NO idea what is going to be okay. Walk a mile in my shoes, THEN tell me that again." Harsh. I know. I've learned for myself how easy it is to assure someone life will be grand when life is indeed grand on my end of the stick. How about putting myself in the other person's position, truly knowing what's going on, then proceed from there? Honestly, I don't need a "new" scripture or some lengthy..."Oh, God loves you so much He wants the best for you...." line. I know it quite well, thank you. I've learned that sometimes the things we think are not "God's Will"...indeed are. Hello, Job.
So, as I am ranting to God about my anger, hurt and even how I know He has me....He leads me to this passage: Psalm 73...I was so confused at first, then quickly came to a place of brokenness, realizing that I am this person. Envy & bitterness have snuck its conniving way into my heart. I hope you know how hard that was to type. Admitting it was even harder. But I knew without a doubt that Holy spirit took me straight there for a reason. Who can deny Him? So at the top of my journal I wrote, "This is my prayer for today...." And in my own words wrote this passage. Going from a place of provision and security to Hamilton, Al....literally saving pennies....did uncover this terrible sin in my life. I was at the point of looking back at the "good old days" asking God, "Why?..." Does He know the Hell I've been through? That I haven't wore makeup in weeks because I know I'm going to cry it right off! I haven't left my house in days to save money? And, staying in this house has caused me more envy and bitterness towards all of the people I know who can LEAVE their house?! Does He know I have absolutely NO christmas presents to give my daughter? And that she only has FOUR outfits to last her through the winter....? Does He know?! -Please understand this is not being put out for pity. He has showed me much through this, and is STILL showing me much through this chaotic mess I'm still struggling to overcome. At the end of Psalm 73 it says, "Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in Heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever!" There is a happy ending somewhere in the midst of the turmoil.
About a week and a half ago we had to go to Tupelo to fetch some stuff for the business. I had this gripping at my gut the whole way. I really didn't want to spend ANY money. Owning your own business you NEVER know what will be left over for the next month because you may not make ANYTHING for weeks. I was very quiet most of the way. Totally not normal. We stopped at Chick-fil-a and grabbed lunch. I asked Caleb could I forfeit my lunch and use the $7 I would have spent to buy Eden something to wear. He didn't think I was serious. We headed back home and we began talking about the new baby. He was curious why I don't talk to him/her as much. SO ashamed I held back some serious tears to explain...Without shedding one tear I managed to get it out. Silence. Then all of a sudden it was like Niagra Falls exploded. My sandwich flew out of my mouth accompanied with sobs and some sweet tea. I couldn't pinpoint an exact emotion, but the fact that it was definitely ALL but the good ones that triggered this. If you asked Caleb, he would describe me as "hard". I don't cry much, if any. The only times he has truly seen me cry is with the Lord. This he had never witnessed before so He wasn't quite sure how to respond. I know he was hurting just as much as I was.
There has always been one story I've let him into that I'm sure he can recite perfectly. My parents got divorced when I was 12, my sister was 7 and my brother was still in utero. Together my parents did well financially. Apart my mother struggled. One night I sat at our island in the kitchen staring hopelessly at my mom as she sobbed on the phone with her mom. She kept saying, "I dont know what I'm going to do!" Here she was with all of this responsibility and no way to provide financially for everything. In my heart I made a vow. I will NEVER have to experience that. My children will never have to witness me in shambles because my bills can't be paid. Never say never right? Here I am with food, drink, snot and tears all over our truck. Crying as hard as I've cried in a long time. Like...weird noises escaping from my throat and all. Nothing could console me. I made sure God knew how upset I was. Caleb patted my shoulder, rubbed my arm and wiped my tears. All the while Eden sat and watched me telling me, "Shhh..mommy". (Totally didn't make me feel better, though I wish it had). I was taken back to that day I sat and watched my mom do the same thing. I hope Eden never remembers that day.
That day I first told you God brought me to the scripture...well Holy Spirit told me to read the book Envy-Bob Sorge. Reading it more than once was and is and will always be a must. I haven't decided yet if this is the hand God has dealt me, or if I'm just in a "Job" season. Maybe God is strengthening me to carry the grace we will soon be given for the sphere God has alloted us. As I said before, I'm still very intensely experiencing this. Still trying to overcome a battle. Still trying to accept what's been given me.
It's 2 weeks until Christmas. I still have not one thing for one person. I have a very bare "dream tree". Have already overdrawn my bank account paying bills. And Eden still only has 4 outfits for winter. Not to mention nothing afterwards. I still break down multiple times a day. I have told God twice today that I'm still mad....but only at myself. I can't be mad knowing that I'm being refined like silver and gold day after day by the only One who knows my past and my future. Yes, my future. I keep reminding myself that there is a GLORIOUS destiny at the end of this very dark tunnel. If it leads me home, it leads me home. If it commands I stay in Hamilton, I stay in Hamilton. Again I say, I am a willing vessel and I say yes! Break me and rip me apart. The outside may look weak...but you still remain the strength of my heart!
I look forward to updating you on my quest to find and hold pure joy, pure love.
As most of you know from previous post, September and October we had absolutely no income. Besides of course the miracle check that appeared in our mailbox. November 15th actually was the beginning date of "real" deer season. Not to mention we were supposed to be buying our home officially at the beginning of November...which didn't happen. The owners of the house are in bad health and at a very old age. My heart was to get them their money asap. I love them VERY much! But along with this upsetting news came more upsetting news after more upsetting news and I could continue this list on and on...That began a whirlwind of mass chaos in the world of me. Of course what else do you do but get on your face and cry out to God?! So, that's what I did.
I literally had snot coming out of my nose. Yes, gross. Out of many emotions, mostly anger...I slammed my fists against the floor until they turned red. I yelled a lot. I told God I was very mad at him. Followed by a "real sorry". Accompanied by even MORE snot and tears. It's hard to be angry with someone you love so much! It's even harder knowing that He's provided all that I have. HELLO! "Mysterious check!"....I would yell some hurting thought, then say "I know!". Now, looking back I smirk even though my eyes are tear-filled. My tongue has released the word hate a lot lately. "I hate the 'holidays'!" "I hate this place" "I hate, I hate, I hate...". It was not until Caleb pointed it out that I realized how often I began using such a terrible word. The worst part is that deep down I felt the root it was connected to but didn't have the strength to uproot it!
It aggravates me when people say, "It's going to be okay". The response I'd like to shoot back? "You have NO idea what is going to be okay. Walk a mile in my shoes, THEN tell me that again." Harsh. I know. I've learned for myself how easy it is to assure someone life will be grand when life is indeed grand on my end of the stick. How about putting myself in the other person's position, truly knowing what's going on, then proceed from there? Honestly, I don't need a "new" scripture or some lengthy..."Oh, God loves you so much He wants the best for you...." line. I know it quite well, thank you. I've learned that sometimes the things we think are not "God's Will"...indeed are. Hello, Job.
So, as I am ranting to God about my anger, hurt and even how I know He has me....He leads me to this passage: Psalm 73...I was so confused at first, then quickly came to a place of brokenness, realizing that I am this person. Envy & bitterness have snuck its conniving way into my heart. I hope you know how hard that was to type. Admitting it was even harder. But I knew without a doubt that Holy spirit took me straight there for a reason. Who can deny Him? So at the top of my journal I wrote, "This is my prayer for today...." And in my own words wrote this passage. Going from a place of provision and security to Hamilton, Al....literally saving pennies....did uncover this terrible sin in my life. I was at the point of looking back at the "good old days" asking God, "Why?..." Does He know the Hell I've been through? That I haven't wore makeup in weeks because I know I'm going to cry it right off! I haven't left my house in days to save money? And, staying in this house has caused me more envy and bitterness towards all of the people I know who can LEAVE their house?! Does He know I have absolutely NO christmas presents to give my daughter? And that she only has FOUR outfits to last her through the winter....? Does He know?! -Please understand this is not being put out for pity. He has showed me much through this, and is STILL showing me much through this chaotic mess I'm still struggling to overcome. At the end of Psalm 73 it says, "Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in Heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever!" There is a happy ending somewhere in the midst of the turmoil.
About a week and a half ago we had to go to Tupelo to fetch some stuff for the business. I had this gripping at my gut the whole way. I really didn't want to spend ANY money. Owning your own business you NEVER know what will be left over for the next month because you may not make ANYTHING for weeks. I was very quiet most of the way. Totally not normal. We stopped at Chick-fil-a and grabbed lunch. I asked Caleb could I forfeit my lunch and use the $7 I would have spent to buy Eden something to wear. He didn't think I was serious. We headed back home and we began talking about the new baby. He was curious why I don't talk to him/her as much. SO ashamed I held back some serious tears to explain...Without shedding one tear I managed to get it out. Silence. Then all of a sudden it was like Niagra Falls exploded. My sandwich flew out of my mouth accompanied with sobs and some sweet tea. I couldn't pinpoint an exact emotion, but the fact that it was definitely ALL but the good ones that triggered this. If you asked Caleb, he would describe me as "hard". I don't cry much, if any. The only times he has truly seen me cry is with the Lord. This he had never witnessed before so He wasn't quite sure how to respond. I know he was hurting just as much as I was.
There has always been one story I've let him into that I'm sure he can recite perfectly. My parents got divorced when I was 12, my sister was 7 and my brother was still in utero. Together my parents did well financially. Apart my mother struggled. One night I sat at our island in the kitchen staring hopelessly at my mom as she sobbed on the phone with her mom. She kept saying, "I dont know what I'm going to do!" Here she was with all of this responsibility and no way to provide financially for everything. In my heart I made a vow. I will NEVER have to experience that. My children will never have to witness me in shambles because my bills can't be paid. Never say never right? Here I am with food, drink, snot and tears all over our truck. Crying as hard as I've cried in a long time. Like...weird noises escaping from my throat and all. Nothing could console me. I made sure God knew how upset I was. Caleb patted my shoulder, rubbed my arm and wiped my tears. All the while Eden sat and watched me telling me, "Shhh..mommy". (Totally didn't make me feel better, though I wish it had). I was taken back to that day I sat and watched my mom do the same thing. I hope Eden never remembers that day.
That day I first told you God brought me to the scripture...well Holy Spirit told me to read the book Envy-Bob Sorge. Reading it more than once was and is and will always be a must. I haven't decided yet if this is the hand God has dealt me, or if I'm just in a "Job" season. Maybe God is strengthening me to carry the grace we will soon be given for the sphere God has alloted us. As I said before, I'm still very intensely experiencing this. Still trying to overcome a battle. Still trying to accept what's been given me.
It's 2 weeks until Christmas. I still have not one thing for one person. I have a very bare "dream tree". Have already overdrawn my bank account paying bills. And Eden still only has 4 outfits for winter. Not to mention nothing afterwards. I still break down multiple times a day. I have told God twice today that I'm still mad....but only at myself. I can't be mad knowing that I'm being refined like silver and gold day after day by the only One who knows my past and my future. Yes, my future. I keep reminding myself that there is a GLORIOUS destiny at the end of this very dark tunnel. If it leads me home, it leads me home. If it commands I stay in Hamilton, I stay in Hamilton. Again I say, I am a willing vessel and I say yes! Break me and rip me apart. The outside may look weak...but you still remain the strength of my heart!
I look forward to updating you on my quest to find and hold pure joy, pure love.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Seasons: The good & the bad.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a specific time appointed for everything that takes place on Earth. That amazes me. God is that big.
Yet God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11
How amazing is it that God planted eternity in my heart? By the spirit, I know eternity. That is so hard to grasp almost. I have access to eternity....Why am I so carnal!? Can I not see into the eternity I've been given access to because I don't live enough in the spirit?....good question. God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. A flower. It looks beautiful for the time it's been given here on earth. Then it withers and dies. I'll only look beautiful for a time...and soon I'll follow in the footsteps of a flower. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I've just been pondering seasons a lot lately.
I know that God has put people in my life for season. My parents are with me a lifelong season. I have some friends God has given me in that same category, thankfully. I feel like I've had so many people walk in and out of my life, and for a time I didn't understand. When I fully grasped the meaning of these verses...I think I understood better. Although it's not always easy to accept. Why would God put people in our lives, then take them away? I've summed it up to this: Learning lessons. Through most in & outs I've learned lifelong lessons. Things that have helped shape me and sharpen character. I'm very thankful for friends kept and friends lost.
I know that God has put me in certain places for good reasons...er, seasons. Once upon a time...I had a whatever job making whatever money. I was content with where I was. I felt like God was leading me to another place so I followed that direction, just eager for what He had there for me. Boy, was I in for a suprise! It was awful! I happened to be alone everyday in an office so I let worship music play....loudly. I would pray and really seek an answer on why the HECK God had me in this awful place. (I had some pretty intense bosses). I never asked him to give me a way out...just asked why He had me there. Then, I felt completely released to leave this job and go back to my old job. It was the easiest transition in every way possible. God opened some pretty amazing doors! I ended up getting a higher paying job than I had even asked for! I, of course, thanked God for opening doors and closing others and again asked, "Why?"
I'll never know the technicals of what happened in that ONE month that I was gone from my first job but all I know is He made a way. He had me between a rock and hard place for a season but the rewards of my faithfulness to His word were amazingly greater than what I would have ever thought they could be.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I just know that God allows us to be put in uncomfortable positions/seasons for a purpose. There is always something greater at the end of that season. A lesson, a better season, an opportunity...who knows!? I certaintly know that it's been hard sometimes. And super uncomfortable. Sometimes even so unsettling! But God has been teaching me sooo much through every season. The good and the bad. The wet and the dry! He's so awesome. I just love him. Due to love and partial baby hormones, I just shed a few tears.
Anyways, I don't know where this came from...or where I'm going with any of it and I kind of lost my train of thought anyways. Maybe that's good indication that this post is over(: Oh, preggo brain. It brings forgetfulness.
End statement to this very strange blog: I love Jesus and no matter where He has me - and he's had me in some pretty intensely tough places and some intensely great ones - I will always commit my life to his will and his way. I will seek first His Kingdom. I will continue to live a burning lifestyle for my Beloved and not faint. I will take every bump and hole in the road with stride knowing that He will always love me, and continually refine me through the strongest of fires. Human I may be, but burning I remain.
There is a specific time appointed for everything that takes place on Earth. That amazes me. God is that big.
Yet God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11
How amazing is it that God planted eternity in my heart? By the spirit, I know eternity. That is so hard to grasp almost. I have access to eternity....Why am I so carnal!? Can I not see into the eternity I've been given access to because I don't live enough in the spirit?....good question. God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. A flower. It looks beautiful for the time it's been given here on earth. Then it withers and dies. I'll only look beautiful for a time...and soon I'll follow in the footsteps of a flower. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I've just been pondering seasons a lot lately.
I know that God has put people in my life for season. My parents are with me a lifelong season. I have some friends God has given me in that same category, thankfully. I feel like I've had so many people walk in and out of my life, and for a time I didn't understand. When I fully grasped the meaning of these verses...I think I understood better. Although it's not always easy to accept. Why would God put people in our lives, then take them away? I've summed it up to this: Learning lessons. Through most in & outs I've learned lifelong lessons. Things that have helped shape me and sharpen character. I'm very thankful for friends kept and friends lost.
I know that God has put me in certain places for good reasons...er, seasons. Once upon a time...I had a whatever job making whatever money. I was content with where I was. I felt like God was leading me to another place so I followed that direction, just eager for what He had there for me. Boy, was I in for a suprise! It was awful! I happened to be alone everyday in an office so I let worship music play....loudly. I would pray and really seek an answer on why the HECK God had me in this awful place. (I had some pretty intense bosses). I never asked him to give me a way out...just asked why He had me there. Then, I felt completely released to leave this job and go back to my old job. It was the easiest transition in every way possible. God opened some pretty amazing doors! I ended up getting a higher paying job than I had even asked for! I, of course, thanked God for opening doors and closing others and again asked, "Why?"
I'll never know the technicals of what happened in that ONE month that I was gone from my first job but all I know is He made a way. He had me between a rock and hard place for a season but the rewards of my faithfulness to His word were amazingly greater than what I would have ever thought they could be.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I just know that God allows us to be put in uncomfortable positions/seasons for a purpose. There is always something greater at the end of that season. A lesson, a better season, an opportunity...who knows!? I certaintly know that it's been hard sometimes. And super uncomfortable. Sometimes even so unsettling! But God has been teaching me sooo much through every season. The good and the bad. The wet and the dry! He's so awesome. I just love him. Due to love and partial baby hormones, I just shed a few tears.
Anyways, I don't know where this came from...or where I'm going with any of it and I kind of lost my train of thought anyways. Maybe that's good indication that this post is over(: Oh, preggo brain. It brings forgetfulness.
End statement to this very strange blog: I love Jesus and no matter where He has me - and he's had me in some pretty intensely tough places and some intensely great ones - I will always commit my life to his will and his way. I will seek first His Kingdom. I will continue to live a burning lifestyle for my Beloved and not faint. I will take every bump and hole in the road with stride knowing that He will always love me, and continually refine me through the strongest of fires. Human I may be, but burning I remain.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
My new found life.
Other than Jesus, Caleb is by far my best friend.
Before there was an "us", there was an "I". I would consider myself to have been most definately a social butterfly. Even though that's such a cliche'. If I was given a time and a place, I was there! And there had to be multiple people involved in whatever I was doing. I just love people.
Now there is an "us". I wouldn't trade it for the anything. If I could explain myself to some degree, I would tell you that I'm a balloon floating off to dream land....with a light weight tied to my string. So, instead of totally floating off...I kind of drift in the middle. I've seen and experienced enough in my life to remind me of the "real" and hold me down. But my dreams keep me just high enough off of the ground. Caleb has become my light weight. He was exactly what I needed to keep myself from disappearing. Or maybe he became the helium that blew me up? God knows I analyze every situation. Analyzation is surely enough to suck helium right out of me! So who he is for me...may never be completly known. The fact is this: God knew that without Caleb, I would be stuck in the mud or on planet x.
Now, instead of jumping at every opportunity to "hang", I have become a homebody. And I actually enjoy it! I don't consider myself a hermit...just someone who enjoys spending every second of every day with family. Instead of enjoying everyone else's lives, I enjoy my life. No rushing to work, dropping the kids off at nursery and enjoying gossip with the employees. Instead, I get to sit in the living room cuddled up to my best friend laughing about nothing. God is teaching me to enjoy what he's given me in my own home. I used to complain about being "closed-off". "I never see anyone anymore!" "You made me a homebody!", that's what I would say. How embarrassing. That actually came out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I love to hang out with friends and enjoy fellowship with those we love. I've just realized that we know a lot of people...who enjoy doing a lot of get togethers. And it's okay to say no.
You know that saying, "You're eyes were bigger than your stomach"? Yeah, I'm so bad at that.
1. Because I enjoy eating!
2. There's always so much to choose from.
I see the social scene the same way! I enjoy visiting and hanging out. And with all the people in this little/big community...well there's a lot going on i.e to choose from.
We've always said we're family people. And we're not lying. I would stay in my pajamas all day with Caleb and Eden and just watch movies. Or sit on the front porch swing and have good quality conversation while Eden plays. When Caleb is out working...and Eden is asleep in her bed. I still enjoy good quality family time with God. He's my first best friend. Anything I've laughed about with Caleb, I'm surely taking it to God. Then, I have another laugh. My favorite place to spend with him is in front of my heater (soon to be fireplace) with a big couch pillow leaned against the brick. There are a lot of tears in that carpet (soon to be wood floor). A lot of laughter has taken place there. And best of all a lot of love. "Pushing in" to others is a good thing, I don't deny that. But I've come to a place where instead of pushing in to others, I'm pushing into family. "Others" will fail me. And one day they'll be gone. I'll spend the rest of my life with Caleb so that foundation must alway stay strong. But I'll spend eternity with my beloved! Thankfully our favorite place to meet is right in my living room.
Homebody, yes you can call me that. I'll proudly wear that tag. But I've got foundation thick as steel. Butterfly's are pretty and all, but their life span only lasts a few weeks. The longest living butterfly can only live up to 12 months. I'd say their foundation is made of sand.
For someone who used to be on the go....alot. I've learned a lesson. It may not be your lesson, but it was surely one taught to someone in this world.
-The proud homebody.
Before there was an "us", there was an "I". I would consider myself to have been most definately a social butterfly. Even though that's such a cliche'. If I was given a time and a place, I was there! And there had to be multiple people involved in whatever I was doing. I just love people.
Now there is an "us". I wouldn't trade it for the anything. If I could explain myself to some degree, I would tell you that I'm a balloon floating off to dream land....with a light weight tied to my string. So, instead of totally floating off...I kind of drift in the middle. I've seen and experienced enough in my life to remind me of the "real" and hold me down. But my dreams keep me just high enough off of the ground. Caleb has become my light weight. He was exactly what I needed to keep myself from disappearing. Or maybe he became the helium that blew me up? God knows I analyze every situation. Analyzation is surely enough to suck helium right out of me! So who he is for me...may never be completly known. The fact is this: God knew that without Caleb, I would be stuck in the mud or on planet x.
Now, instead of jumping at every opportunity to "hang", I have become a homebody. And I actually enjoy it! I don't consider myself a hermit...just someone who enjoys spending every second of every day with family. Instead of enjoying everyone else's lives, I enjoy my life. No rushing to work, dropping the kids off at nursery and enjoying gossip with the employees. Instead, I get to sit in the living room cuddled up to my best friend laughing about nothing. God is teaching me to enjoy what he's given me in my own home. I used to complain about being "closed-off". "I never see anyone anymore!" "You made me a homebody!", that's what I would say. How embarrassing. That actually came out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I love to hang out with friends and enjoy fellowship with those we love. I've just realized that we know a lot of people...who enjoy doing a lot of get togethers. And it's okay to say no.
You know that saying, "You're eyes were bigger than your stomach"? Yeah, I'm so bad at that.
1. Because I enjoy eating!
2. There's always so much to choose from.
I see the social scene the same way! I enjoy visiting and hanging out. And with all the people in this little/big community...well there's a lot going on i.e to choose from.
We've always said we're family people. And we're not lying. I would stay in my pajamas all day with Caleb and Eden and just watch movies. Or sit on the front porch swing and have good quality conversation while Eden plays. When Caleb is out working...and Eden is asleep in her bed. I still enjoy good quality family time with God. He's my first best friend. Anything I've laughed about with Caleb, I'm surely taking it to God. Then, I have another laugh. My favorite place to spend with him is in front of my heater (soon to be fireplace) with a big couch pillow leaned against the brick. There are a lot of tears in that carpet (soon to be wood floor). A lot of laughter has taken place there. And best of all a lot of love. "Pushing in" to others is a good thing, I don't deny that. But I've come to a place where instead of pushing in to others, I'm pushing into family. "Others" will fail me. And one day they'll be gone. I'll spend the rest of my life with Caleb so that foundation must alway stay strong. But I'll spend eternity with my beloved! Thankfully our favorite place to meet is right in my living room.
Homebody, yes you can call me that. I'll proudly wear that tag. But I've got foundation thick as steel. Butterfly's are pretty and all, but their life span only lasts a few weeks. The longest living butterfly can only live up to 12 months. I'd say their foundation is made of sand.
For someone who used to be on the go....alot. I've learned a lesson. It may not be your lesson, but it was surely one taught to someone in this world.
-The proud homebody.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A lesson learned
I learned a lesson today. One I think I've truly known was there in the back of my mind, I just ignored it.
A few times a day we go into the bathroom, close the door and Eden goes "nakey". I sit on the closed lid of the toilet and let her sit on hers. I give her a book because that's what mommy does while she's waiting on Eden. Eden likes to sit down for two seconds, hop up and get some toilet paper to "clean out the potty". She hasn't quite grasped that it's really for her. Now, a few weeks ago she actually did use her potty! We just don't know when? I should have learned this lesson that many weeks ago but....sadly, I didn't. So as we were learning how to go "potty", Eden does her usual. She sits, hops up, grabs a new book then tries to put her diaper back on!
I was so caught up in this great book I was reading that it took me a few minutes to realize that she was no longer sitting. I looked over the edge of my book to notice a messy bathroom. That's not how we entered. Two towels were strown across the floor accompanied by two books, shampoo and a the potty ended up on the other side of the bathroom. How did I miss all of this commotion? I started cleaning up when I noticed Eden had been in this frenzy because in the process of trying to return her potty to it's normal position she had in fact pee'd all on the floor. (sorry for the info but we're all adults) This could have been her 2nd time to use the potty all by herself! And I was too "caught up" to notice. In that moment I started thinking about all the times I've missed things because I've been too busy. This is why I wanted to stay at home with my children! Because I never want to miss anything....I want to raise and teach my kids. And here I am missing an opportunity of something simple yet huge! Potty training.
I know this isn't anything profound or deep and intellectual. While most things I blog aren't. I just got a nice slap across my face. Although it's something I already knew, I had just pushed the thought to the back of my mind once again. There are way too many distractions in this world. Although I wasn't caught up in some interesting movie or tv show. And I wasn't banging away on the keyboard.....I missed something very important because reading a book was more important to me than making sure my sweet Eden accomplished her potty. Instead I ended up with a huge mess to clean up and a puppy-eyed little girl who didn't understand what she did wrong. I was challenged to put aside the distractions and focus.
Even though it doesn't seem like much, I challenge you to do the same. I'm determined to spend less time reading, surfing the web, and flipping through channels....and spend more time paying attention. Even if it's to the little things like learning to potty. I've decided Eden's nap time will be my time with the Lord, reading, praying and then the extra little things. I don't forfeit God's time. And I certaintly can't forfeit Eden's time. Not anymore at least.
A few times a day we go into the bathroom, close the door and Eden goes "nakey". I sit on the closed lid of the toilet and let her sit on hers. I give her a book because that's what mommy does while she's waiting on Eden. Eden likes to sit down for two seconds, hop up and get some toilet paper to "clean out the potty". She hasn't quite grasped that it's really for her. Now, a few weeks ago she actually did use her potty! We just don't know when? I should have learned this lesson that many weeks ago but....sadly, I didn't. So as we were learning how to go "potty", Eden does her usual. She sits, hops up, grabs a new book then tries to put her diaper back on!
I was so caught up in this great book I was reading that it took me a few minutes to realize that she was no longer sitting. I looked over the edge of my book to notice a messy bathroom. That's not how we entered. Two towels were strown across the floor accompanied by two books, shampoo and a the potty ended up on the other side of the bathroom. How did I miss all of this commotion? I started cleaning up when I noticed Eden had been in this frenzy because in the process of trying to return her potty to it's normal position she had in fact pee'd all on the floor. (sorry for the info but we're all adults) This could have been her 2nd time to use the potty all by herself! And I was too "caught up" to notice. In that moment I started thinking about all the times I've missed things because I've been too busy. This is why I wanted to stay at home with my children! Because I never want to miss anything....I want to raise and teach my kids. And here I am missing an opportunity of something simple yet huge! Potty training.
I know this isn't anything profound or deep and intellectual. While most things I blog aren't. I just got a nice slap across my face. Although it's something I already knew, I had just pushed the thought to the back of my mind once again. There are way too many distractions in this world. Although I wasn't caught up in some interesting movie or tv show. And I wasn't banging away on the keyboard.....I missed something very important because reading a book was more important to me than making sure my sweet Eden accomplished her potty. Instead I ended up with a huge mess to clean up and a puppy-eyed little girl who didn't understand what she did wrong. I was challenged to put aside the distractions and focus.
Even though it doesn't seem like much, I challenge you to do the same. I'm determined to spend less time reading, surfing the web, and flipping through channels....and spend more time paying attention. Even if it's to the little things like learning to potty. I've decided Eden's nap time will be my time with the Lord, reading, praying and then the extra little things. I don't forfeit God's time. And I certaintly can't forfeit Eden's time. Not anymore at least.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I am strong through Jesus Christ.
I'm sure most of you know by now, but for those of you who don't...we're pregnant!
Growing up, I've always heard that baby #2 isn't quite as exciting. Only because you've already gone through the "newness excitement" with the first. I considered them stretching the truth a bit. But I actually feel the same way! Although I am truly excited...it's just not the same. I am going to prove myself wrong though. I've come to the conclusion thus far that the excitement is dull...ONLY because it's mixed with that overwhelming feeling of, "Oh my, two babies!? How am I going to do this?"
If you're anything like me...which I consider myself strange in this aspect...I lay awake in the bed for at least an hour thinking before actually falling asleep. Caleb is long gone....twitching and sleep-talking. But me, I'm wide-awake. The first night of our new baby discovery, I lay there for at least 2 hours. I asked my best friend, "How do I do this? How can I love another baby as much as I love Eden? Can we afford two kids?". So, you can imagine the questions brewing. I'm sure most of you with multiple kids know my questions. Grace. That was the only answer to any of my questions. Most of the time...when I go to ask God a question...I already know the answer. I just want him to reassure me of myself. Not always....but usually. Even then, I scrunch my face and would really like him to say something like, "Money is going to grow on your tree. Go fishing and you'll find a coin. I'm sending Gabriel to nanny." You know....ridiculous things. (I still don't put it past him though (: ). So day 2 rolls around of my new knowings and I do the same thing that day AND night. Same answer. Blah! Those were my thoughts. Then a rebuke. Why can't I just be content with what the God of ALL universes, the maker of ALL things says? There I lay. Too scared to ask another word. I found the courage to tell Him, "Through you I am strong. By you I have the grace. I can do this!"
Everyday I find myself telling MYSELF, "You are strong. You can do this." I'm not sure if this is a common thing others go through but I know that God is taking me on yet another journey. 21 with two children. Both under the age of 3. I know though, that it is only by my Jesus that I have the strength to stay halfway sane. It is only by God that I have the grace to know that all of my needs will be met. All of OUR needs. Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers! He tells me that if I seek first HIS Kingdom and live righteously....he will give me everything I need. At least that's what Matthew 6:28:31 says. (My version is obviously seriously summarized)
So today again, I tell myself, "I am strong, only by Jesus. Only through Him will I survive this thing called Motherhood."
Growing up, I've always heard that baby #2 isn't quite as exciting. Only because you've already gone through the "newness excitement" with the first. I considered them stretching the truth a bit. But I actually feel the same way! Although I am truly excited...it's just not the same. I am going to prove myself wrong though. I've come to the conclusion thus far that the excitement is dull...ONLY because it's mixed with that overwhelming feeling of, "Oh my, two babies!? How am I going to do this?"
If you're anything like me...which I consider myself strange in this aspect...I lay awake in the bed for at least an hour thinking before actually falling asleep. Caleb is long gone....twitching and sleep-talking. But me, I'm wide-awake. The first night of our new baby discovery, I lay there for at least 2 hours. I asked my best friend, "How do I do this? How can I love another baby as much as I love Eden? Can we afford two kids?". So, you can imagine the questions brewing. I'm sure most of you with multiple kids know my questions. Grace. That was the only answer to any of my questions. Most of the time...when I go to ask God a question...I already know the answer. I just want him to reassure me of myself. Not always....but usually. Even then, I scrunch my face and would really like him to say something like, "Money is going to grow on your tree. Go fishing and you'll find a coin. I'm sending Gabriel to nanny." You know....ridiculous things. (I still don't put it past him though (: ). So day 2 rolls around of my new knowings and I do the same thing that day AND night. Same answer. Blah! Those were my thoughts. Then a rebuke. Why can't I just be content with what the God of ALL universes, the maker of ALL things says? There I lay. Too scared to ask another word. I found the courage to tell Him, "Through you I am strong. By you I have the grace. I can do this!"
Everyday I find myself telling MYSELF, "You are strong. You can do this." I'm not sure if this is a common thing others go through but I know that God is taking me on yet another journey. 21 with two children. Both under the age of 3. I know though, that it is only by my Jesus that I have the strength to stay halfway sane. It is only by God that I have the grace to know that all of my needs will be met. All of OUR needs. Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers! He tells me that if I seek first HIS Kingdom and live righteously....he will give me everything I need. At least that's what Matthew 6:28:31 says. (My version is obviously seriously summarized)
So today again, I tell myself, "I am strong, only by Jesus. Only through Him will I survive this thing called Motherhood."
Friday, October 29, 2010
Poems & Recipes
After releasing some tension in my previous post I felt I should lighten my next! I've never done two blogs in one day but I'm feeling this is necessary considering I was so icy earlier. I promise I love every single person regardless of the way they worship or live. I always have and always will. Although love seems far from me today....
I read this poem in my new read, themommydiaries. It's a wonderful book with stories from different mommies who find themselves through the chaos of motherhood.
When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
To say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust so unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the mots important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most essential things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
-Sara Groves
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!
Next is a recipe for Mexican Cornbread-My new favorite!! This seemed right for the new season we're in(:
1 1/3 cups self-rising meal
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (can add more)
3 eggs
1 cup chopped onion
1 can cream style corn
3/4 cup oil
1/2 cup milk
a little salt
2-5 jalapeno peppers
Bake at 400 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Makes a big iron skillet full.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I love it!!
I read this poem in my new read, themommydiaries. It's a wonderful book with stories from different mommies who find themselves through the chaos of motherhood.
When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
To say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust so unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the mots important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most essential things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
-Sara Groves
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!
Next is a recipe for Mexican Cornbread-My new favorite!! This seemed right for the new season we're in(:
1 1/3 cups self-rising meal
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (can add more)
3 eggs
1 cup chopped onion
1 can cream style corn
3/4 cup oil
1/2 cup milk
a little salt
2-5 jalapeno peppers
Bake at 400 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Makes a big iron skillet full.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I love it!!
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