I am strong through Jesus Christ.

I'm sure most of you know by now, but for those of you who don't...we're pregnant!
Growing up, I've always heard that baby #2 isn't quite as exciting. Only because you've already gone through the "newness excitement" with the first. I considered them stretching the truth a bit. But I actually feel the same way! Although I am truly excited...it's just not the same. I am going to prove myself wrong though. I've come to the conclusion thus far that the excitement is dull...ONLY because it's mixed with that overwhelming feeling of, "Oh my, two babies!? How am I going to do this?"

If you're anything like me...which I consider myself strange in this aspect...I lay awake in the bed for at least an hour thinking before actually falling asleep. Caleb is long gone....twitching and sleep-talking. But me, I'm wide-awake. The first night of our new baby discovery, I lay there for at least 2 hours. I asked my best friend, "How do I do this? How can I love another baby as much as I love Eden? Can we afford two kids?". So, you can imagine the questions brewing. I'm sure most of you with multiple kids know my questions. Grace. That was the only answer to any of my questions. Most of the time...when I go to ask God a question...I already know the answer. I just want him to reassure me of myself. Not always....but usually. Even then, I scrunch my face and would really like him to say something like, "Money is going to grow on your tree. Go fishing and you'll find a coin. I'm sending Gabriel to nanny." You know....ridiculous things. (I still don't put it past him though (: ). So day 2 rolls around of my new knowings and I do the same thing that day AND night. Same answer. Blah! Those were my thoughts. Then a rebuke. Why can't I just be content with what the God of ALL universes, the maker of ALL things says? There I lay. Too scared to ask another word. I found the courage to tell Him, "Through you I am strong. By you I have the grace. I can do this!"

Everyday I find myself telling MYSELF, "You are strong. You can do this." I'm not sure if this is a common thing others go through but I know that God is taking me on yet another journey. 21 with two children. Both under the age of 3. I know though, that it is only by my Jesus that I have the strength to stay halfway sane. It is only by God that I have the grace to know that all of my needs will be met. All of OUR needs. Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers! He tells me that if I seek first HIS Kingdom and live righteously....he will give me everything I need. At least that's what Matthew 6:28:31 says. (My version is obviously seriously summarized)

So today again, I tell myself, "I am strong, only by Jesus. Only through Him will I survive this thing called Motherhood."