Seasons: The good & the bad.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is a specific time appointed for everything that takes place on Earth. That amazes me. God is that big.

Yet God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

How amazing is it that God planted eternity in my heart? By the spirit, I know eternity. That is so hard to grasp almost. I have access to eternity....Why am I so carnal!? Can I not see into the eternity I've been given access to because I don't live enough in the spirit?....good question. God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. A flower. It looks beautiful for the time it's been given here on earth. Then it withers and dies. I'll only look beautiful for a time...and soon I'll follow in the footsteps of a flower. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I've just been pondering seasons a lot lately.

I know that God has put people in my life for season. My parents are with me a lifelong season. I have some friends God has given me in that same category, thankfully. I feel like I've had so many people walk in and out of my life, and for a time I didn't understand. When I fully grasped the meaning of these verses...I think I understood better. Although it's not always easy to accept. Why would God put people in our lives, then take them away? I've summed it up to this: Learning lessons. Through most in & outs I've learned lifelong lessons. Things that have helped shape me and sharpen character. I'm very thankful for friends kept and friends lost.

I know that God has put me in certain places for good reasons...er, seasons. Once upon a time...I had a whatever job making whatever money. I was content with where I was. I felt like God was leading me to another place so I followed that direction, just eager for what He had there for me. Boy, was I in for a suprise! It was awful! I happened to be alone everyday in an office so I let worship music play....loudly. I would pray and really seek an answer on why the HECK God had me in this awful place. (I had some pretty intense bosses). I never asked him to give me a way out...just asked why He had me there. Then, I felt completely released to leave this job and go back to my old job. It was the easiest transition in every way possible. God opened some pretty amazing doors! I ended up getting a higher paying job than I had even asked for! I, of course, thanked God for opening doors and closing others and again asked, "Why?"

I'll never know the technicals of what happened in that ONE month that I was gone from my first job but all I know is He made a way. He had me between a rock and hard place for a season but the rewards of my faithfulness to His word were amazingly greater than what I would have ever thought they could be.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I just know that God allows us to be put in uncomfortable positions/seasons for a purpose. There is always something greater at the end of that season. A lesson, a better season, an opportunity...who knows!? I certaintly know that it's been hard sometimes. And super uncomfortable. Sometimes even so unsettling! But God has been teaching me sooo much through every season. The good and the bad. The wet and the dry! He's so awesome. I just love him. Due to love and partial baby hormones, I just shed a few tears.

Anyways, I don't know where this came from...or where I'm going with any of it and I kind of lost my train of thought anyways. Maybe that's good indication that this post is over(: Oh, preggo brain. It brings forgetfulness.

End statement to this very strange blog: I love Jesus and no matter where He has me - and he's had me in some pretty intensely tough places and some intensely great ones - I will always commit my life to his will and his way. I will seek first His Kingdom. I will continue to live a burning lifestyle for my Beloved and not faint. I will take every bump and hole in the road with stride knowing that He will always love me, and continually refine me through the strongest of fires. Human I may be, but burning I remain.

My new found life.

Other than Jesus, Caleb is by far my best friend.

Before there was an "us", there was an "I". I would consider myself to have been most definately a social butterfly. Even though that's such a cliche'. If I was given a time and a place, I was there! And there had to be multiple people involved in whatever I was doing. I just love people.

Now there is an "us". I wouldn't trade it for the anything. If I could explain myself to some degree, I would tell you that I'm a balloon floating off to dream land....with a light weight tied to my string. So, instead of totally floating off...I kind of drift in the middle. I've seen and experienced enough in my life to remind me of the "real" and hold me down. But my dreams keep me just high enough off of the ground. Caleb has become my light weight. He was exactly what I needed to keep myself from disappearing. Or maybe he became the helium that blew me up? God knows I analyze every situation. Analyzation is surely enough to suck helium right out of me! So who he is for me...may never be completly known. The fact is this: God knew that without Caleb, I would be stuck in the mud or on planet x.

Now, instead of jumping at every opportunity to "hang", I have become a homebody. And I actually enjoy it! I don't consider myself a hermit...just someone who enjoys spending every second of every day with family. Instead of enjoying everyone else's lives, I enjoy my life. No rushing to work, dropping the kids off at nursery and enjoying gossip with the employees. Instead, I get to sit in the living room cuddled up to my best friend laughing about nothing. God is teaching me to enjoy what he's given me in my own home. I used to complain about being "closed-off". "I never see anyone anymore!" "You made me a homebody!", that's what I would say. How embarrassing. That actually came out of my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I love to hang out with friends and enjoy fellowship with those we love. I've just realized that we know a lot of people...who enjoy doing a lot of get togethers. And it's okay to say no.

You know that saying, "You're eyes were bigger than your stomach"? Yeah, I'm so bad at that.
1. Because I enjoy eating!
2. There's always so much to choose from.
I see the social scene the same way! I enjoy visiting and hanging out. And with all the people in this little/big community...well there's a lot going on i.e to choose from.
We've always said we're family people. And we're not lying. I would stay in my pajamas all day with Caleb and Eden and just watch movies. Or sit on the front porch swing and have good quality conversation while Eden plays. When Caleb is out working...and Eden is asleep in her bed. I still enjoy good quality family time with God. He's my first best friend. Anything I've laughed about with Caleb, I'm surely taking it to God. Then, I have another laugh. My favorite place to spend with him is in front of my heater (soon to be fireplace) with a big couch pillow leaned against the brick. There are a lot of tears in that carpet (soon to be wood floor). A lot of laughter has taken place there. And best of all a lot of love. "Pushing in" to others is a good thing, I don't deny that. But I've come to a place where instead of pushing in to others, I'm pushing into family. "Others" will fail me. And one day they'll be gone. I'll spend the rest of my life with Caleb so that foundation must alway stay strong. But I'll spend eternity with my beloved! Thankfully our favorite place to meet is right in my living room.

Homebody, yes you can call me that. I'll proudly wear that tag. But I've got foundation thick as steel. Butterfly's are pretty and all, but their life span only lasts a few weeks. The longest living butterfly can only live up to 12 months. I'd say their foundation is made of sand.

For someone who used to be on the go....alot. I've learned a lesson. It may not be your lesson, but it was surely one taught to someone in this world.

-The proud homebody.

A lesson learned

I learned a lesson today. One I think I've truly known was there in the back of my mind, I just ignored it.



A few times a day we go into the bathroom, close the door and Eden goes "nakey". I sit on the closed lid of the toilet and let her sit on hers. I give her a book because that's what mommy does while she's waiting on Eden. Eden likes to sit down for two seconds, hop up and get some toilet paper to "clean out the potty". She hasn't quite grasped that it's really for her. Now, a few weeks ago she actually did use her potty! We just don't know when? I should have learned this lesson that many weeks ago but....sadly, I didn't. So as we were learning how to go "potty", Eden does her usual. She sits, hops up, grabs a new book then tries to put her diaper back on!



I was so caught up in this great book I was reading that it took me a few minutes to realize that she was no longer sitting. I looked over the edge of my book to notice a messy bathroom. That's not how we entered. Two towels were strown across the floor accompanied by two books, shampoo and a the potty ended up on the other side of the bathroom. How did I miss all of this commotion? I started cleaning up when I noticed Eden had been in this frenzy because in the process of trying to return her potty to it's normal position she had in fact pee'd all on the floor. (sorry for the info but we're all adults) This could have been her 2nd time to use the potty all by herself! And I was too "caught up" to notice. In that moment I started thinking about all the times I've missed things because I've been too busy. This is why I wanted to stay at home with my children! Because I never want to miss anything....I want to raise and teach my kids. And here I am missing an opportunity of something simple yet huge! Potty training.

I know this isn't anything profound or deep and intellectual. While most things I blog aren't. I just got a nice slap across my face. Although it's something I already knew, I had just pushed the thought to the back of my mind once again. There are way too many distractions in this world. Although I wasn't caught up in some interesting movie or tv show. And I wasn't banging away on the keyboard.....I missed something very important because reading a book was more important to me than making sure my sweet Eden accomplished her potty. Instead I ended up with a huge mess to clean up and a puppy-eyed little girl who didn't understand what she did wrong. I was challenged to put aside the distractions and focus.

Even though it doesn't seem like much, I challenge you to do the same. I'm determined to spend less time reading, surfing the web, and flipping through channels....and spend more time paying attention. Even if it's to the little things like learning to potty. I've decided Eden's nap time will be my time with the Lord, reading, praying and then the extra little things. I don't forfeit God's time. And I certaintly can't forfeit Eden's time. Not anymore at least.

I am strong through Jesus Christ.

I'm sure most of you know by now, but for those of you who don't...we're pregnant!
Growing up, I've always heard that baby #2 isn't quite as exciting. Only because you've already gone through the "newness excitement" with the first. I considered them stretching the truth a bit. But I actually feel the same way! Although I am truly excited...it's just not the same. I am going to prove myself wrong though. I've come to the conclusion thus far that the excitement is dull...ONLY because it's mixed with that overwhelming feeling of, "Oh my, two babies!? How am I going to do this?"

If you're anything like me...which I consider myself strange in this aspect...I lay awake in the bed for at least an hour thinking before actually falling asleep. Caleb is long gone....twitching and sleep-talking. But me, I'm wide-awake. The first night of our new baby discovery, I lay there for at least 2 hours. I asked my best friend, "How do I do this? How can I love another baby as much as I love Eden? Can we afford two kids?". So, you can imagine the questions brewing. I'm sure most of you with multiple kids know my questions. Grace. That was the only answer to any of my questions. Most of the time...when I go to ask God a question...I already know the answer. I just want him to reassure me of myself. Not always....but usually. Even then, I scrunch my face and would really like him to say something like, "Money is going to grow on your tree. Go fishing and you'll find a coin. I'm sending Gabriel to nanny." You know....ridiculous things. (I still don't put it past him though (: ). So day 2 rolls around of my new knowings and I do the same thing that day AND night. Same answer. Blah! Those were my thoughts. Then a rebuke. Why can't I just be content with what the God of ALL universes, the maker of ALL things says? There I lay. Too scared to ask another word. I found the courage to tell Him, "Through you I am strong. By you I have the grace. I can do this!"

Everyday I find myself telling MYSELF, "You are strong. You can do this." I'm not sure if this is a common thing others go through but I know that God is taking me on yet another journey. 21 with two children. Both under the age of 3. I know though, that it is only by my Jesus that I have the strength to stay halfway sane. It is only by God that I have the grace to know that all of my needs will be met. All of OUR needs. Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers! He tells me that if I seek first HIS Kingdom and live righteously....he will give me everything I need. At least that's what Matthew 6:28:31 says. (My version is obviously seriously summarized)

So today again, I tell myself, "I am strong, only by Jesus. Only through Him will I survive this thing called Motherhood."