I am strong through Jesus Christ.

I'm sure most of you know by now, but for those of you who don't...we're pregnant!
Growing up, I've always heard that baby #2 isn't quite as exciting. Only because you've already gone through the "newness excitement" with the first. I considered them stretching the truth a bit. But I actually feel the same way! Although I am truly excited...it's just not the same. I am going to prove myself wrong though. I've come to the conclusion thus far that the excitement is dull...ONLY because it's mixed with that overwhelming feeling of, "Oh my, two babies!? How am I going to do this?"

If you're anything like me...which I consider myself strange in this aspect...I lay awake in the bed for at least an hour thinking before actually falling asleep. Caleb is long gone....twitching and sleep-talking. But me, I'm wide-awake. The first night of our new baby discovery, I lay there for at least 2 hours. I asked my best friend, "How do I do this? How can I love another baby as much as I love Eden? Can we afford two kids?". So, you can imagine the questions brewing. I'm sure most of you with multiple kids know my questions. Grace. That was the only answer to any of my questions. Most of the time...when I go to ask God a question...I already know the answer. I just want him to reassure me of myself. Not always....but usually. Even then, I scrunch my face and would really like him to say something like, "Money is going to grow on your tree. Go fishing and you'll find a coin. I'm sending Gabriel to nanny." You know....ridiculous things. (I still don't put it past him though (: ). So day 2 rolls around of my new knowings and I do the same thing that day AND night. Same answer. Blah! Those were my thoughts. Then a rebuke. Why can't I just be content with what the God of ALL universes, the maker of ALL things says? There I lay. Too scared to ask another word. I found the courage to tell Him, "Through you I am strong. By you I have the grace. I can do this!"

Everyday I find myself telling MYSELF, "You are strong. You can do this." I'm not sure if this is a common thing others go through but I know that God is taking me on yet another journey. 21 with two children. Both under the age of 3. I know though, that it is only by my Jesus that I have the strength to stay halfway sane. It is only by God that I have the grace to know that all of my needs will be met. All of OUR needs. Worry dominates the thoughts of unbelievers! He tells me that if I seek first HIS Kingdom and live righteously....he will give me everything I need. At least that's what Matthew 6:28:31 says. (My version is obviously seriously summarized)

So today again, I tell myself, "I am strong, only by Jesus. Only through Him will I survive this thing called Motherhood."

Poems & Recipes

After releasing some tension in my previous post I felt I should lighten my next! I've never done two blogs in one day but I'm feeling this is necessary considering I was so icy earlier. I promise I love every single person regardless of the way they worship or live. I always have and always will. Although love seems far from me today....

I read this poem in my new read, themommydiaries. It's a wonderful book with stories from different mommies who find themselves through the chaos of motherhood.

When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way And I can't wait

As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
To say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust so unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the mots important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most essential things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
-Sara Groves

I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

Next is a recipe for Mexican Cornbread-My new favorite!! This seemed right for the new season we're in(:

1 1/3 cups self-rising meal
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (can add more)
3 eggs
1 cup chopped onion
1 can cream style corn
3/4 cup oil
1/2 cup milk
a little salt
2-5 jalapeno peppers

Bake at 400 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Makes a big iron skillet full.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I love it!!

Great is thy Faithfulness!

Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness; Morning by morning new mercies I see!! All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness; Lord unto thee.

Culpepper Lawn Care- Caleb & his brother's business during the summer....
Culpepper Deer Processing- Caleb's business during the winter....

Once the "grass cuttin" was over we were super excited for "deer season" to hurry up and get here. There was a two week break between the two so we spend a lot of time getting his processing room prepared; which included not only cleaning but some extra money had to go to new signs, seasonings, fat ( gross, I know ), etc...

Bow season comes before gun season. Unfortunately there are not a lot of bow hunters in Hamilon, Al. So along comes Friday, the first day of Bow season and we only get ONE deer. Hey, that's better than nothing! So we just thanked the Lord and hoped for more the next day. By Monday we had received 5 deer! Although we were so thankful for more deer...we knew it wasn't enough to pay our bills. Worry is not something we allow into our home anymore! We experienced some true refining in the "faith" department last year so I just spent extra quality time in prayer and reminded God (although he very well knows) that He has all of my trust. I'm so thankful I have a Faithful God! He will NEVER fail us!

Tuesday morning, although knowing the mail doesn't come until noon, I walked to my mailbox. Even now I'm not sure why...I opened the door and nothing was there. But as I had been walking towards the mailbox I heard that old hymn "Great is thy faithfulness!" (song at the top). I continued to sing the song for the next two hours straight. I even walked in Caleb's processing room and told him, "God is taking care of us. No worrying!" I got lost with the Lord and enjoyed time well spent with Holy Spirit. So, noon rolled around and I walked back down to the mailbox singing my new favorite song! I opened the mailbox and there laid a small envelope with nothing but a $1200 check. Great is HIS faithfulness! I'm not sure why I'm sharing this story today but I pray that it be a testimony of faith to someone.

Everything that I need He provides. Everything that WE need He provides. The past year and half that I have lived here we have never been without. Whether it be through someone else, or just a complete miracle that cannot be explained, God has taken care of us and He always will. He'll do the same for you!

On another note, I wanted to say to those of you who have tried to comment and were not able to...I think? you have to have an account also. But I thank you for going the extra mile and texting me or commenting on my facebook. You've been an encouragement whether you knew it or not to keep blogging! I thank God for each and everyone of you! and I pray His blessings over you! Be encouraged today. God is faithful.

Hast thou faith?

"Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin." -Romans 14:22-23 (KJV)

This is one of my most favorite verses from the bible! Actually...all of Romans 14, I thouroughly enjoy. In an earlier post, I mentioned God wanting me to be who I am. And to this day I still agree with my previous post. But if anyone misunderstood I'd like to clear it up. I don't believe that in our sin God is okay with you being..well, in sin. I believe that God sees us the way He intends us to be and daily purges us of those things. I am a firm believer in the fire of the Holy Spirit and I welcome it daily into my life.

Which is why my previous post stated this: "I must define myself by who he has set me apart to be. Whether other people accept me for who I am or not....he does. (meaning who he as called me to be) Of course he daily prunes me...so I'm always being molded into who he wants me to be. One day it may be attitude and the next he may be helping me on my mindset or view of the way I think situations should be. "

If you are in a homosexual relationship I do not agree. I do not believe God gives you mercy and grace and claims it to be okay. You are in sin. And the bible clearly states, multiple times that this is wrong. God does not contradict himself. So in Romans 14:23, He does not mean....if you have faith to believe that your homosexuality is not a sin it's okay....you're wrong! That means that God contradicted himself. He does not do that! God is very clear on what is sin and what is not sin and we can't excuse ourselves with this verse alone. And to use the "He loves me anyway" excuse is ignorance.

This was just the first example that came to my mind. This is NOT directed towards anyone I know. Actually, I don't even think I know anyone in homosexuality. Moving on...

And to further make my point on my previous post...I do not want to look or be who I want myself to be or look like! Only who HE wants me to be. I want to be the wife, mother and friend God wants me to be. And I look to scripture to tell me exactly what that is. I desire to live a holy life for a HOLY God. ( I recommend A.W Tozer's book "Knowledge of the Holy") I crave the fire of the Holy Spirit every single day and I enjoy the humbleness He brings.

I stand in confidence and FAITH to believe and know that what I do (although being human and having DAILY purging through the Holy Spirit) is pleasing to God, according to His Word. If that is in question to anyone I ask them to get to know ME on a personal note instead of through someone else...or even a blog.
"We are the most "REAL" in our comfortable place" -stolen from my husband (:

RUNNY NOSES, DIRTY DIAPERS & LOVE.

I'll start this blog off by telling you that I am most definitely....YOUNG. I was engaged at 17, married 1 month after my 18th birthday and pregnant 2 months later. Caleb and I have known each other our WHOLE lives...literally. When I was 9 months? (somewhere in that area) and He was almost 2 we were in a Q101 Baby Contest! ....He won. We grew up in the same church and played "smear the queer" (TERRIBLE name for a game) every sunday night together. He was my best friend.

There was a time in my life where I had to make a choice. I chose to lose my life and to be dead, only to find TRUE life in Jesus. I laid down..or lost every friend I had. Except for Caleb! He took my by the hand and together we stood up! We were determined to be set apart. Although we were alone in our walk, God was with us. Together we prayed for those we laid down and believed for their salvation and although it's been 5 years we're starting to see the fruit of our prayers!

So, Sept. 30 2007, Caleb proposed to me in the gazebo at Lake Tiak'O'Khata. I would love to tell you the story but it is extremely long! So, we planned to get married 8 months later on May 3, 2008. Our wedding day was by far the most amazing day I've ever had in my whole entire life! The presence of the Holy Spirit was so thick. Our walk in song for our guests was "Jesus Come" by Shane & Shane and Jesus did just that! He came... That is all we wanted for that day. In all honesty, there was not once that I felt nervous. Only excited! I was about to marry my Best Friend. The one person, other than God, who believed in me! He fought for me! So, at 6p.m, I walked out of the back door, across the porch, down the steps and through the yard to the man of my dreams. We soaked in the Holy Spirit and through joyful tears made promises that can never be broken. Yes, that day is on my top 5 list of "Best days ever".

Approximately 3 1/2 months later.....we find our we're pregnant! I can't tell you the flood of emotions I had. Happy, scared, excited, nervous....I'm only 18! Yes...18. Do I need to repeat? 18!
Thankfully the Lord had blessed us both with not only grace but favor. We had great jobs, great bosses and we had Him. We could only go forward from there knowing that our new baby was a gift from God. At 19/20 weeks we found out what our little gift was, a GIRL. For about 2 weeks before finding out I kept having dreams she was a girl...so I wasn't too shocked! We only had one name picked out, Adelee Eden. So, around rolls March 26th and here comes baby! I had an amazing birth with supernatural help from God! This day is also on my top 5 liste of "Best days ever".

So, here we are a year and a half later. As I like to say, I'm 20.7 now(: Although most people are still completely relying on their parents to take care of them...I am a parent who has a child that relies completely on me.

God, my all-knowing God...gave me this beautiful baby. With bright blue eyes and sweet blonde hair. FULL of personality and energy!! On the days that I don't want to do anything...she gets me going! She passes along her energy to me. To look in the backseat as I drive and see her praying with me leaves me speechless. When I see her lift her hands up and call on the name of "Jee-Jee"....again is beyond words. She was the inspiration of God. There are days that I think I am losing my mind. Mostly when new teeth are coming in....BUT I remember the gift I've been allowed to possess. The arrow in our quiver!

1 Timothy 4:12 says, "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, in your faith, and in your purity."

Although I've been married nearly 3 years and have a child...I am trying to remember this scripture. God has brought us through so much in so little time. But it was God. He has a plan for our lives and I love that He is our head. He was with us 5 years ago, He was with us on our wedding day, and He is with us now. He is faithful.....I love his faithfulness.

Have you ever felt like you lived in a bubble? I feel like that often. We have an awesome church community. Most people that we interact with on a daily basis passionately love Jesus. I'm not talking about a "normal" mundane christian lifestyle. I'm talking about 8 a.m corporate prayer meetings EVERY morning. If you know anything about prayer it will most definitely cause you to go deeper and burn more bright! I love prayer. Not only that but we each have our own personal prayer, worship and reading time. I love reading the bible!

When I leave my home in Hamilton, Al and go to another city...regardless of where it is I feel like I am in a culture shock! I am quickly humbled! When I get outside of my comfort zone and out of my bubble and take a look at the "real world"...what we live in I am in absolute shock. Why can't my bubble be the "real world". I believe it will and is going to look like my bubble one day! It's just not yet. I've been on this crazy journey with the Lord. I've been learning to understand atheism and agnostics. Why do they feel the way that they feel? What causes them to question who God is? Or simply not believe??

Of course God had to take me on my own personal journey with Him and myself first. I had to be strengthened in my heart and mind. I had to KNOW who I was and who God was. Now I have a heart for those who literally claim not to believe. And I love it!

Did you know that most atheist outlook on christianity is this: We're in 2010! We need to move past the whole "Jesus" thing. If you "fall into" the christianity gimmick you're weak!

I know, I know...it makes me sick too! I so want those who have questions to find answers. I believe that if you are an atheist or agnostic that you are not weak if you "fall into" christianity. I believe that it takes a very strong person to believe in God. It takes discipline and endurance. Most of the time I do not understand God at all! But I have this supernatural grace and perserverance that He's given me to be content with not understanding! And to keep loving Him and the mystery of His person.

Casey Doss taught a message a couple of months ago about "Blind Bartimaeus". It rocked me!
First of all, Blind Bartimaeus is not his name! His name actually means "Son of a noble man". Bartemaeus KNEW who He was supposed to be. But here he is broke and blind on the side of the road. He hears that Jesus of Nazareth is near by and begins to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" People started to tell him to be quiet but he only shouted louder! Again, he shouts to Jesus. When Jesus hears Bartimaeus he stops and tells him to come to him. Bartimaeus jumps up and runs to Jesus! On this particular day during this teaching, Casey says, "What if God just wants to see how bad you want Him?!" All of our enduring and perservering is NOT in vain!

If only atheist and agnostics could keep seeking! If only they would not give up. I'm not saying sit on your butt and expect God to just SHOW UP! (Which I totally believe He would do) BUT to say, "You know what!? I want you God. I want to have encounters with you !...I want YOU!" I know that He hears us. And I know that He will come on the 4th call as fast as He'd come to the 1st. I look at it like this: Girls tend to make guys chase. You know what I'm talking about! You want them to think you're important enough that they will do anything and everything to have you. Nothing and no one is as important as you are. I so believe that God wants that too! For us to be so head over heels for Him that we will shout His name over and over again until He says, "Your faith has healed you!" ...(or whatever you want at that time) haha. Then He wants us to follow Him down the road just like Bartimaeus.

Man, I would fan Him with palm leaves and wash His feet...and be blind all at the same time. Just to have Him near!!! But thankfully He's given me 20/20 eyesight and I can have Him whenever I want....somedays it takes a lot of endurance and sometimes I get tired of waiting but if I wait long enough...He'll come! Sometimes I just start to think about what I'm about to pray and BOOM! Holy Spirit is on me like white on rice! (southern statement). Sometimes I can't even speak I'm so encompassed by Him. Whew!!

So I kind of got off of my initial statement but my conclusion on this blog today is this: Get out of your bubble sometimes and take a look at the world we live in and REMEMBER what we're praying for. Remember that there are lost people who are scared and confused. They are in their own bubble of comfortable. I think God likes for us to be uncomfortable(: To find Him in the craziness of life. Remember who you are and who He is.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart
and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

I really love this verse. I know that God was talking to Jeremiah but He knew all of us before we were ever formed in our mother's womb. I love that He knew me. I love that He still knows me. And God has set us all apart! I love that He knew if we were all the same...the world would fall apart. He's so smart.

These of course are my own thoughts with the Lord..I'm just sharing them with you. I feel that we all in general have one call/purpose that we share from the Lord. To pursue and burn for Him. To truly know and perceive the wonders of His person. And I feel that we all have an individual..personal call or purpose from the Lord. Our own set apart purpose. What makes us different from others. We have a gift inside that makes us a part of the stone wall we're to be. The gift that makes us fit right where we need to be.

Sometimes I'm not quite sure what it is exactly that makes me set apart other than the fact that I love Jesus with everything inside of me. I get so excited (insert other words that I can't even come up with to describe feelings I have for Him) That I honestly believe I have completely and utterly lost my mind! Yes...I'll admit it..I'm a little crazy. That's how in love I am with Him. But I'm surrounded by other people who love Him just like that too! So how does that set me apart. There has to be something else inside of me. Maybe it's still being pruned? Maybe it is there but has not been discovered or accepted?

My Jesus has really been working with me on not defining myself by the people I am around but by who I am in Him. I must define myself by who He has set me apart to be. Whether other people accept me for who I am or not..He does. Of course He daily prunes me....so I'm always being molded into who He wants me to be. One day it may be attitude and the next day He may be helping me on my mindset or view of the way I think situations should be. It's good for people to have a different outlook on life than I do. It's okay for things to be seen in a different light. It doesn't mean that it is wrong or right. Just different.

Example: I think that natural childbirth is the way to go! For multiple reasons that I will not list today(: It was the perfect thing for ME...BUT some people felt the right thing for them was to..maybe get an epidural or not breastfeed. Hey! That is okay!! I do not look at people who chose the opposite of me differently because they didn't want to do the same thing I did.

I guess my whole point of this blog is that so many people judge others based on their mindset or view of life. Maybe they didn't make the same decisions you did or thought differently about a subject or situation than you. They probably didn't have the same parents, same childhood, same teenage years or adult life as you. So many things affect the way that we react to situations. God has really been teaching me this the past few weeks. It has been a long time since I have looked at a person and thought differently of them because of a decision that they have made. I've learned to love people as they are. The way that I see it may be wrong anyways. It may not even be how God would have it...so I can only hope and believe that through the love He has given me that He would have His glory!

I want to look like "ME". I want to look like Sydney. The one that He always wanted me to look like. I want to walk into my purpose and call not someone else's. If I'm trying to fill someone else's shoes I'll never fill mine. He called me to be different and to be set apart. He called me to look like Him! Let's all look like Him in the way He intended us to!


There is so much more to this that I've learned but I'll keep that in my secret place. I just want to keep seeking Him and knowing Him.

In Him I find myself!