Just an update!
I am currently 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant. According to the wonderful Alison Clark (my midwife), I am 1cm dilated, somewhat effaced, and Harleigh Grace has dropped! She foresees her making her arrival within the next week. We shall see...
I've let Harleigh know that she is welcome to come whenever she feels she is ready. Although my body is telling me it needs her to come soon with the on-again, off-again contractions, the intense pressure in my pelvic area and the pinching of my nerves in the middle of my back. Either way, she can come when she likes.
To ensure that she makes her arrival on time I've been taking at least 15 pills a day!
5-w: to tone the uterus and prepare it for labor
Evening Primrose Oil: to prepare the cervix...aka help thin it out
Clary Sage: this is an essential oil, it helps the cervix dilate and efface..basically it's just estrogen.
Sclaressence: tastes AWFUL! BUT, I'll do what it takes. Putting a drop in my cheek and applying to my ankles along with Clary Sage.
Gentle Baby and Clara Derm Spray: to keep the perineum from tearing. YES, it does work. It worked with Eden(: Have faith...
Once I do go into labor this oils along with a handful more will help with the pain, labor and delivery. I will update you on the birth AFTER it happens!
Thanks to all the prayer warriors out there because we finally have a house! Unfortunately, we more than likely won't be living in it when Harleigh does arrive but at the end of the day, we have a home. And THAT is a wonderful feeling. I love everybody, but I don't want to live with anyone but my husband and girls...ANYMORE! Thank ya, JESUS!
Tis the time (: Relaxation, security and comfort in our own home again. Love it!
That is all for now...Harleigh bug will be here soon and I will let you in on all the juicy details of natural birth...for the SECOND time! It's a breeze (;
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Victorious!
What is a blog?! I've forgotten, seeing how it has been years. Harleigh Grace will be here in two months! That is a shocker..it feels like yesterday I was 3 months pregnant. Time has most certaintly flown by. We are still not in a house, that is also a shocker! But my God is sufficient and He is my provision! No worries...
I was trying to get my feet off the floor recently...and laid back in a great recliner. While sitting there with my eyes closed I began to think upon Jacob. From the time he was born his name meant "supplanter, deceiver or trickster..."
Supplanter means: to take the place of another, as through force, scheming, or to replace. To overthrow or to trip up.
I'm sure we all are familiar with the other two words meanings.
Anyways, every name that I pick for my children I want to mean something great, I want it to be who they are. The meaning of names was also so important in the "bible days" and to some of us today, it still is. Who names their child a name that has that kind of meaning? Deceiver...trickster..supplanter.
Although Jacob was named such a name, he was blessed by God. It took some scheming to get the first-born blessing...but lo and behold, Jacob was blessed by God. We know this because many times the scripture says it. Jacob even says it to his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 31:42). In the end, this name Jacob was given was a name that he had to live with for the rest of his life. A name that meant something I sure wouldn't have wanted to be labeled as.
While on his way back to his "hometown", he finds out that Esau is headed his way with 400 men. Now, think back to the beginning when Esau is boiling mad because his little brother took his birth right. He said he would kill him, etc. We all know the story. So, wouldn't you be freaking out a little bit if you knew that your angry (with you) brother was on his way to meet YOU with 400 men? Yes, I thought so. So, Jacob reminds God of his promise He made to him so on so forth. (This is not the point of my story, hence my skipping forward!)
Eventually Jacob has split his group into so many smaller groups and sends them ahead of him. All that is left on one side of the river with him are his wives and children. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sends them over too. 1. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and makes a random decision like this? and 2. Jacob gets alone.
Once Jacob gets alone the "man" comes and wrestles Jacob. These two men are wrestling and Jacob is winning. The man says to Jacob, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!" And Jacob's response is, "I will not let you go until you bless me!"...Then God changes his name to "VICTORIOUS!"
Have you ever had a moment in your life, where you got alone...and you waited for God to come? Have you ever said, "I will not leave this place until you bless me!?" "God I will wait here until you show up and you CHANGE me." I don't have an alcohol, drug or porn problem. I don't cheat on my husband or murder...(although all sin is the same)...but I do deal with the small issues. I know many times I have gotten alone with God and cried out for change! I want to have victory over even the smallest issues in my heart. The days I may have even lost my temper or patience..the days that I've wrongfully juged a person....I want to be victorious over that!
I love spending my time pushing into God and seeking His face, and I love the times that He is so enticed by my wanting, that He comes to me. It may take a while for that flesh to begin to burn enough for Him to come, but it burns indeed. Sometimes the flesh begins to burn before I begin to seek and He meets me before I ever decide to seek Him.
Anyways, my point of the story is this...we all have to come to a place where we recognize something that is a little off-kilter in our walk with Jesus Christ whether it be small or big, and we put all distractions aside and get alone and wait on God to come and declare us victorious. The main thing is to walk in that victory and own it. Never looking back at who I once was...I am no longer "(insert sin)", I am VICTORIOUS! My dealings are not with the past but with the future and who I've been destined to be.
This touched me in a mighty way, I hope it can do the same for you.
-Victorious!
I was trying to get my feet off the floor recently...and laid back in a great recliner. While sitting there with my eyes closed I began to think upon Jacob. From the time he was born his name meant "supplanter, deceiver or trickster..."
Supplanter means: to take the place of another, as through force, scheming, or to replace. To overthrow or to trip up.
I'm sure we all are familiar with the other two words meanings.
Anyways, every name that I pick for my children I want to mean something great, I want it to be who they are. The meaning of names was also so important in the "bible days" and to some of us today, it still is. Who names their child a name that has that kind of meaning? Deceiver...trickster..supplanter.
Although Jacob was named such a name, he was blessed by God. It took some scheming to get the first-born blessing...but lo and behold, Jacob was blessed by God. We know this because many times the scripture says it. Jacob even says it to his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 31:42). In the end, this name Jacob was given was a name that he had to live with for the rest of his life. A name that meant something I sure wouldn't have wanted to be labeled as.
While on his way back to his "hometown", he finds out that Esau is headed his way with 400 men. Now, think back to the beginning when Esau is boiling mad because his little brother took his birth right. He said he would kill him, etc. We all know the story. So, wouldn't you be freaking out a little bit if you knew that your angry (with you) brother was on his way to meet YOU with 400 men? Yes, I thought so. So, Jacob reminds God of his promise He made to him so on so forth. (This is not the point of my story, hence my skipping forward!)
Eventually Jacob has split his group into so many smaller groups and sends them ahead of him. All that is left on one side of the river with him are his wives and children. He wakes up in the middle of the night and sends them over too. 1. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and makes a random decision like this? and 2. Jacob gets alone.
Once Jacob gets alone the "man" comes and wrestles Jacob. These two men are wrestling and Jacob is winning. The man says to Jacob, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!" And Jacob's response is, "I will not let you go until you bless me!"...Then God changes his name to "VICTORIOUS!"
Have you ever had a moment in your life, where you got alone...and you waited for God to come? Have you ever said, "I will not leave this place until you bless me!?" "God I will wait here until you show up and you CHANGE me." I don't have an alcohol, drug or porn problem. I don't cheat on my husband or murder...(although all sin is the same)...but I do deal with the small issues. I know many times I have gotten alone with God and cried out for change! I want to have victory over even the smallest issues in my heart. The days I may have even lost my temper or patience..the days that I've wrongfully juged a person....I want to be victorious over that!
I love spending my time pushing into God and seeking His face, and I love the times that He is so enticed by my wanting, that He comes to me. It may take a while for that flesh to begin to burn enough for Him to come, but it burns indeed. Sometimes the flesh begins to burn before I begin to seek and He meets me before I ever decide to seek Him.
Anyways, my point of the story is this...we all have to come to a place where we recognize something that is a little off-kilter in our walk with Jesus Christ whether it be small or big, and we put all distractions aside and get alone and wait on God to come and declare us victorious. The main thing is to walk in that victory and own it. Never looking back at who I once was...I am no longer "(insert sin)", I am VICTORIOUS! My dealings are not with the past but with the future and who I've been destined to be.
This touched me in a mighty way, I hope it can do the same for you.
-Victorious!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Forever loved!
I walk with a heavy heart this week. If the only thing I can do in the wake of tragedy is carry a burden then so be it. A friend lost her husband Monday afternoon. Although I didn't know him as well as I was hoping I'd be able to now that we were back in Meridian, I hurt. Married under a year with a newborn baby at home. I hurt for her more than I've hurt in a long time. I had the honor of being a member of their wedding and watching these two be united as one by and under God.
As I know she was, I asked God many questions. "Why?" being the main one. The first thing I did was walk straight to Caleb, who was seeking God on the very question I was about to ask, and I asked him, "Do we raise him up?" I know God is more than capable of even the biggest thing my human mind could fathom. Raising someone from the dead is not even close to the top of the biggest thing I know God to be capable of. Although it didn't happen, I know that He would have. In these moments it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, but God's plan is so much bigger than we know.
Not only did I question God but I questioned thin air. It's so hard to understand why such a thing would or even could happen to someone so young. God knows he just had a new baby and he knows they didn't even get to spend their first anniversary together. But what I don't know is whose heart was forever changed by this event. What I don't know is what the road would have looked like 5 years from now.
I love this verse: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."
That is hope for me...for her. Knowing that God protected Zac from something we could not see. Trusting in his word. Learning to accept His comfort but knowing that He is willing to allow us to greive someone loved. Being thankful for the time he was allowed on earth and thankful for the time God gave us to know him. What good will come from this? Plenty. Not that I can see it yet, but I believe in His word. He has a plan and it is to prosper!
I thank you Jesus for allowing us the time we had to know Zac. For me it was little, but I thank you. I thank you that your plan is bigger! I thank you for the love he was allowed to give to his new family and I thank you for holding them close in this time. I ask for peace that passes all understanding!
I send my love to Hannah and sweet baby Jax.
As I know she was, I asked God many questions. "Why?" being the main one. The first thing I did was walk straight to Caleb, who was seeking God on the very question I was about to ask, and I asked him, "Do we raise him up?" I know God is more than capable of even the biggest thing my human mind could fathom. Raising someone from the dead is not even close to the top of the biggest thing I know God to be capable of. Although it didn't happen, I know that He would have. In these moments it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, but God's plan is so much bigger than we know.
Not only did I question God but I questioned thin air. It's so hard to understand why such a thing would or even could happen to someone so young. God knows he just had a new baby and he knows they didn't even get to spend their first anniversary together. But what I don't know is whose heart was forever changed by this event. What I don't know is what the road would have looked like 5 years from now.
I love this verse: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."
That is hope for me...for her. Knowing that God protected Zac from something we could not see. Trusting in his word. Learning to accept His comfort but knowing that He is willing to allow us to greive someone loved. Being thankful for the time he was allowed on earth and thankful for the time God gave us to know him. What good will come from this? Plenty. Not that I can see it yet, but I believe in His word. He has a plan and it is to prosper!
I thank you Jesus for allowing us the time we had to know Zac. For me it was little, but I thank you. I thank you that your plan is bigger! I thank you for the love he was allowed to give to his new family and I thank you for holding them close in this time. I ask for peace that passes all understanding!
I send my love to Hannah and sweet baby Jax.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Transition, Contractions and Birthdays!
Hello all. Time to update, I guess. Did you know that the number 11 means transition? At least that's what I have been told. As most of you know we have been and still are in transition. Transition=Change. I'm not a big fan of change; I like things the way they are and when I'm ready for them to change...well, I'll change them.
BUT, when you ask God to guide you in the right direction, you don't have much control over change. I guess that means I also have a control issue. I never would have considered myself a "control-freak" but I'm beginning to realize that I very much am. I like things a certain way. I enjoy them a certain way. And I want to be the one making them how I want them. Transition is bringing humility to my heart. Transition is allowing me to let go of the reigns for once and to really let God take over and be the controller of every situation.
That doesn't mean it's been easy. Oh, no. Not at all. It's frustrating, complicated and sometimes beyond stressful. The more so it has been, the more I realize the issues God is working out of my heart and life. He is not the reason it is difficult. I am. It wouldn't be so frustrating, complicated and stressful if I would just relax and quit trying to make things happen. It's not about me trying to make things happen, it is about God allowing the perfect will for my family to happen. If I did it "my way", no tellin' where we'd be right now. Oh, how I love how he loves me!
Now, update on Miss Harleigh Grace: She is doing great! My body has been contracting "under stress" and thankfully God has kept the dilation under wraps. No dilating! The Dr's are now not quite sure how many weeks I am?! I'm somewhere between 25-28 weeks..we will be finding out for sure March 31st. Either way, everything is going good and I am just thankful for a healthy baby.
Eden's 2nd birthday is in a week! Can't believe it. Who knew time could fly so fast? So I'll be spending the next few days OFF of my feet (for Harleigh's sake) and attempting to put a birthday together(: I can do this. He gives me strength.
Until next time....
BUT, when you ask God to guide you in the right direction, you don't have much control over change. I guess that means I also have a control issue. I never would have considered myself a "control-freak" but I'm beginning to realize that I very much am. I like things a certain way. I enjoy them a certain way. And I want to be the one making them how I want them. Transition is bringing humility to my heart. Transition is allowing me to let go of the reigns for once and to really let God take over and be the controller of every situation.
That doesn't mean it's been easy. Oh, no. Not at all. It's frustrating, complicated and sometimes beyond stressful. The more so it has been, the more I realize the issues God is working out of my heart and life. He is not the reason it is difficult. I am. It wouldn't be so frustrating, complicated and stressful if I would just relax and quit trying to make things happen. It's not about me trying to make things happen, it is about God allowing the perfect will for my family to happen. If I did it "my way", no tellin' where we'd be right now. Oh, how I love how he loves me!
Now, update on Miss Harleigh Grace: She is doing great! My body has been contracting "under stress" and thankfully God has kept the dilation under wraps. No dilating! The Dr's are now not quite sure how many weeks I am?! I'm somewhere between 25-28 weeks..we will be finding out for sure March 31st. Either way, everything is going good and I am just thankful for a healthy baby.
Eden's 2nd birthday is in a week! Can't believe it. Who knew time could fly so fast? So I'll be spending the next few days OFF of my feet (for Harleigh's sake) and attempting to put a birthday together(: I can do this. He gives me strength.
Until next time....
Monday, February 21, 2011
My Vegas Experience
Our vacation is finally over. It's day 1 from being home and I'm thankful for so much! Caleb and I both had an amazing time while in literally another world...but I found myself being thankful for so much more than I thought possible.
The day we flew out I was beyond anxious. You hear so much about Vegas and it's surroundings, I honestly didn't know what to expect. Caleb, being there before, fore-warned me of the sin but also the beauty. We made our arrival at 4 that afternoon and literally 4 hours later...we were in bed, asleep! We attempted to walk down the strip but time, pregnancy, and disgusting pictures forced us to turn back. It was too early in the week for that.
The next morning, being Valentines, we had made reservations for The Top of the World restaurant. We dressed all fancy (they had a dress code & Caleb looked mighty fine in his suit and tie) and were seated next to the window over-looking the entire city. This place did a 180 degree turn around so we were able to see everything from our seat. Food was nice. Waiters were great. Valentines Day = successful. Post-lunch, we took another stroll down the strip, this time keeping our gazes ahead, not down. I've never seen a street so littered with naked girls. My heart ached for every single girl who felt she had to expose herself in that way. So, I said a small prayer. The closer we got to the middle of the strip the better it got. There was less trash and more super nice hotels. We went in EVERY single one. They were absolutely beautiful and had great stores! After about 2 hours of serious walking...we caught at taxi back to our hotel.
We went to the Cirque du Solei 'Mystere'. A-MAZING! Completely worth the money! I swear, I almost threw up like 10 times because I honestly felt I was going to witness someone die. No joke. They do so many crazy things!! One guy held himself up with one hand 100ft above the ground while holding a huge cube-thingy! It was awesome. Caleb loved it, I loved it. I can't wait to see another!!
There was this awesome 50's diner in our hotel called Roxy's. This was one of the highlights of our trip! They served, probably some of the best food ever while singing old songs! Everytime, I ordered a turkey blt wrap...without the wrap. I wanted, well baby wanted, toasted bread(: ABSOLUTELY amazing. It was well worth 10.99! Not to mention, Roxy's workers were by far the most polite people in the entire city. Also, the sweet monorail information lady who rode with us to MGM one day. I wore my chosen "God" t-shirt one day....she must have been curious(: I also said a prayer for her. I felt more confident in that one!
Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon: Absolutely beautiful. If that had been the only thing we did the whole time, it would have been beyond worth it! God was so magnified that day. He is a beautiful creator and artist. It felt so surreal to actually be in these two places. I never would have thought that I would get to have that experience, and I suggest that everyone make it possible!!
On every street corner there were men (and sometimes women) constantly pushing baseball sized cards into your face. You could clearly tell that these were the only jobs available but it was by far the most annoying experience the whole trip. Each one wore a shirt that said 'Hot Hot Girls Direct to your Room. Call: xxx-xxx-xxxx!!' The baseball sized card was a picture of a nude girl. I was extremely suprised to see that most people were passing them up, telling them no, or taking the card and dropping it back to the ground. There is hope for this city!
The annoying shirt-wearers were the only down-fall of our entire vacation. And even in that down-fall, we were able to see the hope that was still there. This made my heart glad. I have to be honest, it took me a couple of days to quit saying, "EWWWW". After having the epiphany that people are actually refusing the offers I decided "Eww" was not the appropriate word anymore. Another astonishing discovery was that there weren't many people gambling in the casinos! You would think, it being Vegas, that every casino would be full. Nope. Trust me, you have to walk through the casinos to get to ANYTHING in EVERY hotel. Gosh, but the cigarette smoke was ridiculous. Blech!
Alcohol. It was also few and far between. Living in a 'dry' town, even seeing the word beer shocked me! It had been so long since I had seen a place offering any type of alcohol and it took me a day or two to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. During the day, I witnessed more people drinking their water, cokes and other odds than a alcoholic beverage. At night the bats came out though...What do you expect in Vegas, huh? With all honesty the only time I actually saw someone in a stupor was at 3:30am on our way to the airport. As soon as the elevator doors opened, BOOM, there they were. I'm pretty sure this girl had no idea where she was, what she was doing...or possibly who she was.
My conclusion of 'Sin City' is this: The name 'Sin City' actually comes from the thought that the mafia used to run Las Vegas. With that, they had their so-called prostitutes. Many people seem to think that anything goes, when in all actuality that is not the truth. Some in the city pride themselves on others coming and 'letting their hair down' so to speak. Some, I said! Most of the locals actually look down on this thought and intend for it to be a family vacation spot and push every other amenity other than gambling and partying. Now, think about this...how many cities have bars? clubs? and 30 minutes from my own hometown are two casinos. Living in my 'dry' city here, I tend to forget that myself. It's nice to remember that my bubble doesn't exist everywhere I go and there are real needs and prayer to be lifted! It is a true eye-opener to remove myself from comfortable and place myself into unfamiliar. I believe that is when you truly find who you are in God. In the places of unfamiliar. When no other believers are close by, what will I do? Will I try and blend in or continue to strive for holiness and stand apart?
At the end of the day, I am glad that we had our "Vegas" experience...maybe not the one most people would be thinking of when they hear of this city, but it was indeed a wonderful experience. My heart was glad to be home where there is grass and sweet tea though(: Grass...another beauty the Lord made! I never thought I loved grass as much as I did. I received a new measure of thankfulness. I'm thankful for grass, sweet tea, my family and my God! I am thankful to know that there is more hope than I had imagined for a town so looked down upon. He is bigger!
-A new believer in greater things!
The day we flew out I was beyond anxious. You hear so much about Vegas and it's surroundings, I honestly didn't know what to expect. Caleb, being there before, fore-warned me of the sin but also the beauty. We made our arrival at 4 that afternoon and literally 4 hours later...we were in bed, asleep! We attempted to walk down the strip but time, pregnancy, and disgusting pictures forced us to turn back. It was too early in the week for that.
The next morning, being Valentines, we had made reservations for The Top of the World restaurant. We dressed all fancy (they had a dress code & Caleb looked mighty fine in his suit and tie) and were seated next to the window over-looking the entire city. This place did a 180 degree turn around so we were able to see everything from our seat. Food was nice. Waiters were great. Valentines Day = successful. Post-lunch, we took another stroll down the strip, this time keeping our gazes ahead, not down. I've never seen a street so littered with naked girls. My heart ached for every single girl who felt she had to expose herself in that way. So, I said a small prayer. The closer we got to the middle of the strip the better it got. There was less trash and more super nice hotels. We went in EVERY single one. They were absolutely beautiful and had great stores! After about 2 hours of serious walking...we caught at taxi back to our hotel.
We went to the Cirque du Solei 'Mystere'. A-MAZING! Completely worth the money! I swear, I almost threw up like 10 times because I honestly felt I was going to witness someone die. No joke. They do so many crazy things!! One guy held himself up with one hand 100ft above the ground while holding a huge cube-thingy! It was awesome. Caleb loved it, I loved it. I can't wait to see another!!
There was this awesome 50's diner in our hotel called Roxy's. This was one of the highlights of our trip! They served, probably some of the best food ever while singing old songs! Everytime, I ordered a turkey blt wrap...without the wrap. I wanted, well baby wanted, toasted bread(: ABSOLUTELY amazing. It was well worth 10.99! Not to mention, Roxy's workers were by far the most polite people in the entire city. Also, the sweet monorail information lady who rode with us to MGM one day. I wore my chosen "God" t-shirt one day....she must have been curious(: I also said a prayer for her. I felt more confident in that one!
Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon: Absolutely beautiful. If that had been the only thing we did the whole time, it would have been beyond worth it! God was so magnified that day. He is a beautiful creator and artist. It felt so surreal to actually be in these two places. I never would have thought that I would get to have that experience, and I suggest that everyone make it possible!!
On every street corner there were men (and sometimes women) constantly pushing baseball sized cards into your face. You could clearly tell that these were the only jobs available but it was by far the most annoying experience the whole trip. Each one wore a shirt that said 'Hot Hot Girls Direct to your Room. Call: xxx-xxx-xxxx!!' The baseball sized card was a picture of a nude girl. I was extremely suprised to see that most people were passing them up, telling them no, or taking the card and dropping it back to the ground. There is hope for this city!
The annoying shirt-wearers were the only down-fall of our entire vacation. And even in that down-fall, we were able to see the hope that was still there. This made my heart glad. I have to be honest, it took me a couple of days to quit saying, "EWWWW". After having the epiphany that people are actually refusing the offers I decided "Eww" was not the appropriate word anymore. Another astonishing discovery was that there weren't many people gambling in the casinos! You would think, it being Vegas, that every casino would be full. Nope. Trust me, you have to walk through the casinos to get to ANYTHING in EVERY hotel. Gosh, but the cigarette smoke was ridiculous. Blech!
Alcohol. It was also few and far between. Living in a 'dry' town, even seeing the word beer shocked me! It had been so long since I had seen a place offering any type of alcohol and it took me a day or two to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. During the day, I witnessed more people drinking their water, cokes and other odds than a alcoholic beverage. At night the bats came out though...What do you expect in Vegas, huh? With all honesty the only time I actually saw someone in a stupor was at 3:30am on our way to the airport. As soon as the elevator doors opened, BOOM, there they were. I'm pretty sure this girl had no idea where she was, what she was doing...or possibly who she was.
My conclusion of 'Sin City' is this: The name 'Sin City' actually comes from the thought that the mafia used to run Las Vegas. With that, they had their so-called prostitutes. Many people seem to think that anything goes, when in all actuality that is not the truth. Some in the city pride themselves on others coming and 'letting their hair down' so to speak. Some, I said! Most of the locals actually look down on this thought and intend for it to be a family vacation spot and push every other amenity other than gambling and partying. Now, think about this...how many cities have bars? clubs? and 30 minutes from my own hometown are two casinos. Living in my 'dry' city here, I tend to forget that myself. It's nice to remember that my bubble doesn't exist everywhere I go and there are real needs and prayer to be lifted! It is a true eye-opener to remove myself from comfortable and place myself into unfamiliar. I believe that is when you truly find who you are in God. In the places of unfamiliar. When no other believers are close by, what will I do? Will I try and blend in or continue to strive for holiness and stand apart?
At the end of the day, I am glad that we had our "Vegas" experience...maybe not the one most people would be thinking of when they hear of this city, but it was indeed a wonderful experience. My heart was glad to be home where there is grass and sweet tea though(: Grass...another beauty the Lord made! I never thought I loved grass as much as I did. I received a new measure of thankfulness. I'm thankful for grass, sweet tea, my family and my God! I am thankful to know that there is more hope than I had imagined for a town so looked down upon. He is bigger!
-A new believer in greater things!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Remember me...
On the way home today, I drove over my favorite bridge. It is on one of these Alabama backroads that I love so much, shaded by the biggest oak trees. Under it runs from the foothills the most beautiful emerald green water. Being a creek it isn't quite see-through, although I wish it was. Sometimes I wish I had 5 more seconds to stop and take in everything I see.
When I was 8 years old, I had this little brown wallet (a mans wallet, because what girl doesn't want to be just like her dad at 8?) that I was given to me by my dad. At this age I still had a huge toybox that fit perfectly at the end of my bed. It was so huge, it came up almost to my chest! One particular day, I was searching and searching for my wallet because I had a dollar to contribute to it's mouth. My man wallet was no where to be found. I sat there in my huge toybox after throwing things over and around it, and for probably the first time I asked God, "God, where is my wallet?". Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit breathe it into my ear. Guess what? Holy Spirit was right. That was my first true encounter with God that I can recall. The first time I actually heard the voice of God. My faith was made known that day in something, someone who loved me. Yes, I went to church with my parents and I did the Sunday school thing, but never had I been introduced to God in such a way. The God that we talk about...talks back? I stepped out on some faith and curiosity that day and He met me.
Years later in a hurt kind-of rebellion, I told that voice 'no more'. I couldn't listen or talk because He hadn't listened to me. My prayers for a family made whole weren't answered and I wanted to try it my way for a while. Oh, but He still didn't listen...he kept talking!
Sitting with my feet hanging off the end of a pier, in a drunken stupor, I remember shaking my head at God and cursing His name. My faith had been chipped at and it had been too long since I had heard His voice..He left me long ago, at least that is what I told myself. Then He spoke. That sweet voice I had longed for came back to me bringing me to sobriety and awareness. "Remember me..." Those were the words I had heard that night. Tears warmed in my eyes and so did my heart in my chest. I remembered.
I remembered the day that my faith had been made known. The first day I truly heard the voice of God. Moments after finding that little brown wallet, I took off running off our back porch down into our woods. I ran and ran until I reached the small creek that lined our property. I climbed down the 5 foot steep bank and stuck my bare feet into the beautiful emerald green water. From there I ran as fast as you can through water until I couldn't breathe anymore. When I close my eyes, I see that 8 year old girl with her blue jean over-all shorts and tangled brown hair with her hands lifted to the Heavens, running. Just running. Full of faith.
That is why I love my favorite bridge. Not because of anything but my memory of the day I found faith in the One I love. I still remember....
When I was 8 years old, I had this little brown wallet (a mans wallet, because what girl doesn't want to be just like her dad at 8?) that I was given to me by my dad. At this age I still had a huge toybox that fit perfectly at the end of my bed. It was so huge, it came up almost to my chest! One particular day, I was searching and searching for my wallet because I had a dollar to contribute to it's mouth. My man wallet was no where to be found. I sat there in my huge toybox after throwing things over and around it, and for probably the first time I asked God, "God, where is my wallet?". Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit breathe it into my ear. Guess what? Holy Spirit was right. That was my first true encounter with God that I can recall. The first time I actually heard the voice of God. My faith was made known that day in something, someone who loved me. Yes, I went to church with my parents and I did the Sunday school thing, but never had I been introduced to God in such a way. The God that we talk about...talks back? I stepped out on some faith and curiosity that day and He met me.
Years later in a hurt kind-of rebellion, I told that voice 'no more'. I couldn't listen or talk because He hadn't listened to me. My prayers for a family made whole weren't answered and I wanted to try it my way for a while. Oh, but He still didn't listen...he kept talking!
Sitting with my feet hanging off the end of a pier, in a drunken stupor, I remember shaking my head at God and cursing His name. My faith had been chipped at and it had been too long since I had heard His voice..He left me long ago, at least that is what I told myself. Then He spoke. That sweet voice I had longed for came back to me bringing me to sobriety and awareness. "Remember me..." Those were the words I had heard that night. Tears warmed in my eyes and so did my heart in my chest. I remembered.
I remembered the day that my faith had been made known. The first day I truly heard the voice of God. Moments after finding that little brown wallet, I took off running off our back porch down into our woods. I ran and ran until I reached the small creek that lined our property. I climbed down the 5 foot steep bank and stuck my bare feet into the beautiful emerald green water. From there I ran as fast as you can through water until I couldn't breathe anymore. When I close my eyes, I see that 8 year old girl with her blue jean over-all shorts and tangled brown hair with her hands lifted to the Heavens, running. Just running. Full of faith.
That is why I love my favorite bridge. Not because of anything but my memory of the day I found faith in the One I love. I still remember....
Monday, February 7, 2011
Learning Patience+Pregnancy=Oh, Lord.
Life has been like one of those free falls that catch you and bring you back up at the end. I contribute a lot of the frustration to pregnancy. Things are so magnified/intensified when you are pregnant. I've asked God to teach me how to deal with hormones. We're still working on it.
Man, pregnancy! God has taken this time to do some serious purging in my heart. Starting with patience. I have never been the most patient person in the world. Oh, he's cracking the egg pretty good.
"We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the holy spirit within us, and by our sincere love." 2 Corinthians 6:6 NLT
I am just waiting on purity, understanding, kindness...etc. Not saying I don't already possess the ability, but surely as I say I have mastered those he'll hit me with another test. Not that I don't want that either...I'm just sayin'!
I have always been told, "Don't ask for patience." Which I find somewhat ridiculous. We want to hold the light of patience. Ahem, we prove ourselves by...patience. Although it can be very annoying and frustrating at times I know that once I finally pass the test of patience, I've conquered a treasure. I want to produce good fruit. I don't want to be cut from the tree!
Patience is also necessary to endure the road of discipleship...I have found this one to be true from experience. Who better to learn how to be patient than from the one who's displayed it so beautifully for all of time?!
Lately, more than ever, I have REALLY been learning that I cannot look to man but to God for all I need. One day when the scars have turned white I hope to share but right now the wounds are still bleeding...
I cannot put my trust in man alone but in the One who created me. I cannot confide in man alone but in the One who loves me. Only has He been the one to show me the way and I will continue to follow that way. In the test of patience, I find the place to say I am thankful for being taught the fruit of patience. Not only in prayer but in scripture. I can see the test in others and I am rooting for them as I hope they are for me. All tests never end, they just become easier with time. Where to next? Oh, kindness maybe....pregnancy is proving I don't have it like I need it(;
-Sydney, soon-to-be Patient(:
Man, pregnancy! God has taken this time to do some serious purging in my heart. Starting with patience. I have never been the most patient person in the world. Oh, he's cracking the egg pretty good.
"We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the holy spirit within us, and by our sincere love." 2 Corinthians 6:6 NLT
I am just waiting on purity, understanding, kindness...etc. Not saying I don't already possess the ability, but surely as I say I have mastered those he'll hit me with another test. Not that I don't want that either...I'm just sayin'!
I have always been told, "Don't ask for patience." Which I find somewhat ridiculous. We want to hold the light of patience. Ahem, we prove ourselves by...patience. Although it can be very annoying and frustrating at times I know that once I finally pass the test of patience, I've conquered a treasure. I want to produce good fruit. I don't want to be cut from the tree!
Patience is also necessary to endure the road of discipleship...I have found this one to be true from experience. Who better to learn how to be patient than from the one who's displayed it so beautifully for all of time?!
Lately, more than ever, I have REALLY been learning that I cannot look to man but to God for all I need. One day when the scars have turned white I hope to share but right now the wounds are still bleeding...
I cannot put my trust in man alone but in the One who created me. I cannot confide in man alone but in the One who loves me. Only has He been the one to show me the way and I will continue to follow that way. In the test of patience, I find the place to say I am thankful for being taught the fruit of patience. Not only in prayer but in scripture. I can see the test in others and I am rooting for them as I hope they are for me. All tests never end, they just become easier with time. Where to next? Oh, kindness maybe....pregnancy is proving I don't have it like I need it(;
-Sydney, soon-to-be Patient(:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)