Forever loved!

I walk with a heavy heart this week. If the only thing I can do in the wake of tragedy is carry a burden then so be it. A friend lost her husband Monday afternoon. Although I didn't know him as well as I was hoping I'd be able to now that we were back in Meridian, I hurt. Married under a year with a newborn baby at home. I hurt for her more than I've hurt in a long time. I had the honor of being a member of their wedding and watching these two be united as one by and under God.

As I know she was, I asked God many questions. "Why?" being the main one. The first thing I did was walk straight to Caleb, who was seeking God on the very question I was about to ask, and I asked him, "Do we raise him up?" I know God is more than capable of even the biggest thing my human mind could fathom. Raising someone from the dead is not even close to the top of the biggest thing I know God to be capable of. Although it didn't happen, I know that He would have. In these moments it's the last thing anyone wants to hear, but God's plan is so much bigger than we know.

Not only did I question God but I questioned thin air. It's so hard to understand why such a thing would or even could happen to someone so young. God knows he just had a new baby and he knows they didn't even get to spend their first anniversary together. But what I don't know is whose heart was forever changed by this event. What I don't know is what the road would have looked like 5 years from now.

I love this verse: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come."

That is hope for me...for her. Knowing that God protected Zac from something we could not see. Trusting in his word. Learning to accept His comfort but knowing that He is willing to allow us to greive someone loved. Being thankful for the time he was allowed on earth and thankful for the time God gave us to know him. What good will come from this? Plenty. Not that I can see it yet, but I believe in His word. He has a plan and it is to prosper!

I thank you Jesus for allowing us the time we had to know Zac. For me it was little, but I thank you. I thank you that your plan is bigger! I thank you for the love he was allowed to give to his new family and I thank you for holding them close in this time. I ask for peace that passes all understanding!

I send my love to Hannah and sweet baby Jax.

Transition, Contractions and Birthdays!

Hello all. Time to update, I guess. Did you know that the number 11 means transition? At least that's what I have been told. As most of you know we have been and still are in transition. Transition=Change. I'm not a big fan of change; I like things the way they are and when I'm ready for them to change...well, I'll change them.

BUT, when you ask God to guide you in the right direction, you don't have much control over change. I guess that means I also have a control issue. I never would have considered myself a "control-freak" but I'm beginning to realize that I very much am. I like things a certain way. I enjoy them a certain way. And I want to be the one making them how I want them. Transition is bringing humility to my heart. Transition is allowing me to let go of the reigns for once and to really let God take over and be the controller of every situation.

That doesn't mean it's been easy. Oh, no. Not at all. It's frustrating, complicated and sometimes beyond stressful. The more so it has been, the more I realize the issues God is working out of my heart and life. He is not the reason it is difficult. I am. It wouldn't be so frustrating, complicated and stressful if I would just relax and quit trying to make things happen. It's not about me trying to make things happen, it is about God allowing the perfect will for my family to happen. If I did it "my way", no tellin' where we'd be right now. Oh, how I love how he loves me!

Now, update on Miss Harleigh Grace: She is doing great! My body has been contracting "under stress" and thankfully God has kept the dilation under wraps. No dilating! The Dr's are now not quite sure how many weeks I am?! I'm somewhere between 25-28 weeks..we will be finding out for sure March 31st. Either way, everything is going good and I am just thankful for a healthy baby.

Eden's 2nd birthday is in a week! Can't believe it. Who knew time could fly so fast? So I'll be spending the next few days OFF of my feet (for Harleigh's sake) and attempting to put a birthday together(: I can do this. He gives me strength.

Until next time....